HOW TO: Survive Disconnect Anxiety [HUMOR]

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Disconnection from the web can be traumatic, expecially when it's a sudden or abrupt loss of signal. If you're not prepared, disconnect anxiety can take a heavy toll. Here are some coping mechanisms that should help if you're ever struck by an outage.

1. Refresh and Recheck

When your connection to the Internet appears to be lost, before panicking, refresh your browser several times to make sure the connection is really out, and not just “being weird.”

2. Think of the Future

Remind yourself that the connection has gone out before, and always returned. Loss of connectivity is not a permanent condition.

3. Put the Device in Your Pocket

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Put your PDA away where you will not check it every five seconds, but where you can feel its reassuring physical presence against your thigh.

4. Speak Slowly at First

Do not try to engage in full-fledged conversations with other off-line humans right away. Speak in simple sentences like “Net’s out” and “I can’t get online.” Use abbreviations such as LOL and OMG.

5. Avoid Eye Contact

The site of a non-pixilated human face can be disconcerting. Do not look directly at other people until you feel comfortable.

6. Click on Things

Avail yourself of the opportunity to repeatedly touch anything "clickable," such as thermos lids or elevator buttons. In a pinch, click your fingers against your palm.

7. Have Rewarding Conversations with Loved Ones

As you adjust to not checking for new e-mails every ten seconds, you will find more time available to have substantial, meaningful interactions with those around you, offering a new sense of the joys and possibilities of life.

8. Get Back Online as Soon as Possible