Black belt karate champion, Formula One racer and occasional Russian leader Vladimir Putin demonstrated his latest feat of impossible manliness this weekend with a hockey performance for the ages.
Putin scored eight goals during an exhibition hockey match in the resort city of Sochi, Russia, on Saturday, outshining other hockey greats in the game like Pavel Bure, and leading his team to a decisive and truly historic 18-6 victory.
We know what you're probably thinking: How is it that Putin didn't score all the goals during the match? Clearly the game was rigged -- against him. But Putin always perseveres.
The hockey performance is just the latest in a long list of macho publicity stunts intended to build up Putin's cult of personality inside Russia.
During his infinite terms of office, Putin has been photographed driving a Formula One race car, deep sea diving in a submarine, hunting with a rifle in the wild and riding horseback while shirtless. Almost exactly a year ago, he scored six goals in a similar hockey match. Clearly, he needed to outdo himself this year.
These acts of bravado are arguably all the more important now as Putin, 62, was rumored to be ill earlier this year after disappearing from the public eye for 11 days. To make matters worse: Russia's economy is sagging due to low oil prices and sanctions from the West.