During boarding, when I’m standing in front of the flight deck door greeting passengers, I always smile and say, "Hello." Sometimes I’ll ask how passengers are, only to be reminded why I maybe shouldn’t ask that question.
“This airline sucks,” said one passenger, after I wished him a "Good morning."
“We’re not sitting together and it’s your fault,” yelled another passenger, after I complimented her red cat eye frames.
Sometimes it’s so over the top I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. How would you react if someone you’d barely spoken to -- other than to ask what he'd like to drink -- turned around as he was walking off the plane and flipped it off?
At least, I'm assuming it was the plane he flipped off. It could have been me.
Welcome to my world. Airline world.
A world where people have no problem telling you exactly how they feel. Where they can let it all out.
What do you do for a living? Because I'd like to tell you what you're doing wrong. Give you a few tips on how to do it better.— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 20, 2015
A lot has changed since I first started working for a major U.S carrier. Twenty years ago, when passengers got upset about something, they’d ask for your name and the company's address. Back then, the worst thing that would happen was a passenger would actually take the time to write the letter they threatened to write.
Now it's a stream of irate tweets that starts before the plane even takes off. It's passengers getting escorted off flights during boarding. It's emergency diversions because one passenger attacked another passenger over a reclining seat.
When I first started flying, it was unheard of to divert a flight for anything other than a medical emergency. Unruly passenger behavior is on the rise.
Of course, airlines give passengers a lot to complain about with cramped seats and extra fees -- but what's with being mean to each other?
Like when a grown man yells at a woman because her baby is crying.
“Do something!” he yelled from his exit row seat.
“It’s a baby!” the woman screamed back -- and then burst into tears.
I reminded the man that babies cry. You know, because they’re babies. Then I told him there’s not much anyone can do about it when you’re on an airplane (and the seat belt sign is on).
On another flight, an older woman threatened to punch a teenage girl in the face if she put her seat back "one more time."
I told her that “we” don’t punch people here, on the plane, no matter how annoyed "we" might be, and if “we” do punch people, authorities will be called to meet the flight.
I can understand why you might get mad at the airline and want to take it out on me -- but that’s no reason to bite, choke and throw drinks at the person seated in front of you, is it? Don’t answer that.
I asked my coworker if she is on twitter. She said she thinks she might have signed up after a passenger threatened to tweet about her.— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 22, 2015
He threatened to tweet about the bread. He wanted 4 pieces! She turned to go get him a plate. He thought she didn't want him to have any.— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 22, 2015
"You want me to tweet about this?!" he said more than once. She's a Buddhist. She's so calm. She just got the plate and handed him the bread— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 22, 2015
Why are people more inclined to have these over-the-top knee jerk responses on planes these days? I have two theories.
First, it's the feeling of anonymity of being on an airplane. You can be the worst version of yourself and there’s nobody around to judge. Well, nobody you care about anyway. F*ck that lady in front of you, right?
Nothing brings out the rage in me quite like airports. My flight is delayed. What can I punch?— Beth Ward (@BetsyChevron) September 11, 2015
At home, you’re surrounded by people you see almost every day. If someone at your child’s school cuts your car off at pick up, you probably won’t flip them the bird or yell that they must be drunk. You don’t want them talking about what a jerk you are at the next PTA meeting. Either the chances of seeing them again are pretty high, or you know who they are so you give them the benefit of the doubt.
With strangers, it’s a different story. You completely lose it when some asshole moves your suitcase half an inch in the overhead bin, even when that asshole is me -- the flight attendant just trying to make room for everyone's bag.
Whoever it is, you let them have it. And then you brag about it on Facebook.
And Facebook -- or Twitter or Instagram -- is the second reason I think bad behavior is on the rise. Just like on a plane, there’s a mental distance. You may be in a room full of people when you sit down at your desk to log on, but it’s almost like you’re all alone, surrounded by hundreds of other people you don’t really know. That makes it easier to say things you might not say in front of your close family or friends. That makes it easier to tell someone you barely know where they can stick it if they dare disagree with your opinion.
We spend so much time online speaking our minds, I can’t help but wonder what it's doing to our in-person interactions. Polite conversations are dying, but telling someone off has become a competitive sport.
Years ago, if somebody thought the price of a drink was too high, they wouldn’t buy it. Simple as that. Now they have something to say, something rude and crude for the world to hear -- like the guy who told my colleague he could get a blow job for cheaper than $7, the cost of his mixed drink.
“Not on this flight, dude,’’ the flight attendant replied.
On another flight, one of my coworkers was sitting on the jumpseat when a man looked at her and said, "So you didn't believe your parents about staying in college?”
Even five years ago, when I’d ask passengers to put their seats up and stow their bags, they did it. If they didn’t feel like doing it they might have sighed or mumbled something under their breath, but they did it. Today they want to argue about rules and regulations as if they might be able to change them on the spot, as if I have time to discuss how it’s about their safety and the safety of everyone around them when I only have a few minutes to finish checking the rest of the cabin.
Do you know how often I hear the word ridiculous in my line of work?— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 25, 2015
Wanna know what I think is ridiculous? Making something out of nothing.— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 25, 2015
A few months ago on a flight from New York to Los Angeles I sat next to a man who kept looking at me. I wasn’t in uniform so he didn’t know I was a flight attendant commuting home.
“You look familiar,” he finally said. He did, too. And then it hit me.
“You were on my flight a few days ago," I said. "You got mad when I didn’t give you a free snack."
His face turned beet red. He swore he hadn't been mad -- but oh, he had been mad alright. I could tell by the way he had aggressively waved me away. But you know what? By the end of the flight we liked each other.
Lately social media has been under fire for not doing more to prevent bullying. Now I’m not saying I get bullied at work. I know there’s a difference between being rude and bullying, but I can’t help but think that one eventually leads to another when done often enough.
Every day, I see plenty of people I think are nice say terrible things online to people they barely know. And on so many flights, I see people who look perfectly normal say and act terribly over every perceived slight. Put them together and it's a disaster.
“One of our agents was having trouble pulling up the jet bridge, it took two different mechanics to come and fix the problem," a gate agent told me. "Multiple passengers started taking pictures to share on Facebook. Some of them said, ‘Does he even know how to do his job?’ ‘This guy is a joke!’ Why do people think this is okay?”
It’s not okay.
Seriously rude & irresponsible to say. Someone probably called out sick at the last minute so they called a reserve https://t.co/dez0c7WxZc— Heather Poole (@Heather_Poole) November 7, 2015
.@JetBlue just announced we can't leave BECAUSE THE CAPTAIN HASN'T ARRIVED YET. Now, we have to worry about him flying drunk.— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) November 7, 2015
I love social media. I use it to keep in touch with family when I’m traveling, and to connect with readers -- I’m always surprised by the things people ask me, things they’re curious about when it comes to my job. The conversations inspire me to write about things I would have never written about before.
When I write a story about my job I get a lot of negative comments, ranging from the merely unhappy to the truly venomous. The negative comments don’t bother me usually -- I’m used to it, thanks to my job. And from time to time, I’ll respond to try to understand where this nameless, faceless angry person is coming from. Usually, I end up explaining something about my job they didn’t know before. These exchanges don't always end in puppies and rainbows, but they do lead to just a little more empathy.
And that's key: Knowledge, leading to empathy, leading to less yelling and more talking.
With that in mind, next time you board a flight and the flight attendant greets you at the boarding door, try saying, "Hello."
Just hello. Unless you have something nice to say.