Not everyone is born with a parental sense of intuition. Being responsible for the needs of a living, breathing, pooping creature of any size isn't exactly a walk in the park -- it's a flat-out chore.
If you've ever neglected to feed the dog, left the window open while bird-sitting your best friend's parakeet or -- heaven forbid -- been responsible for a
They vary in type -- and maybe even "pet-ness" -- but they all share one undoubtably important detail: a total lack of pulse and biological needs. So you can love them when you want, but also feel free to forget about them once in a while. (Or, if none of these options suit you, you can always throw a pair of googly eyes on a household object and call it Otis. Your choice.)
Any good ones we missed? Share your favorites in the comments below.
1. Jar of honey
According to the National Honey Board (which is apparently a real thing), a bottle of commercially produced honey has an indefinite shelf life. You may see it crystallize over time, but it's no reason to worry -- just throw your little buddy in the microwave for a few minutes and he'll be back to his sweet and cheery self in no time.
Image courtesy of Flickr, Siona Karen
2. Furby
Remember, kids, a dead battery only means he's temporarily comatose.
Image courtesy of Furby
3. Bamboo sticks
They're for life.
Image courtesy of Flickr, pingin
4. Pair of basketballs
Wilson, meet Spalding.
Mashable composite: Image courtesy of Flickr, Faruk Ates
5. Rock
They don't make 'em like they used to. But hey, they're still dead-ish.
Image courtesy of Flickr, Brett Coulstock
6. Sock monkey
Like the real thing, only with zero chance of rabies.
Image courtesy of Flickr, Ryan Poplin
7. Bellybutton lint
Granted, it's cuter when it's being walked by a shoe-wearing shell.
Image courtesy of Flickr, Matt Smith
8. Chia Pet
"Ch-Ch-Chry and kill me!" -- Chia Cat
Image courtesy of Flickr, ChiaPet.com
9. Lawn deer
Just don't name any of them "Bambi's Mom," alright?
Image courtesy of Flickr, Addy Cameron-Huff
10. Wall-mounted large mouth bass
No tank required!
Image courtesy of YouTube, Djcammy100
11. Bobblehead puppy
You can tell them anything -- they always seem to understand.
Image courtesy of S&S Worldwide
12. FooPet
They're virtually adorable -- in the literal sense -- and you can mix and breed your own.
Image courtesy of FooPets
BONUS: A tiger shark with a rocket launcher
Because good luck trying to kill that.
Mashable composite: Image courtesy of Flickr, thievingjoker