A neighborhood in Memphis is currently dealing with an infestation of spiders. According to residents, the creatures have built a web nearly half a mile in length.
To Memphis: we feel for you. To everyone else: Memphis is lost to us. It's time to accept that and save ourselves.
Local NBC affiliate WMC5 reports that residents in the infested neighborhood want authorities to step in and help contain the spiders, which are finding their way into homes.
"I've never seen anything like this. It's like a horror movie. Never seen nothing like this before," one resident told WMC5.
A Memphis zoo curator says that the spiders are not a bad thing and should be viewed as a sign that "all is well with nature at that location."
Clearly, the curator is under the influence of the spiders and all hope is lost. We suggest that everyone in America move north and begin barricading themselves in, to protect themselves from the inevitable spider uprising.