Gifts for Slytherins who are just trying to have a good time
Anyone lucky enough to have a Slytherin in their life knows that they're not the easiest people to buy gifts for. What do you get the witch or wizard who already has everything?
Slytherins, however, deserve gifts at every possible gifting opportunity, so here's a little help for someone who wants to treat their favorite Slythie to a little something special.
1. A book safe
Secrets are delicious to Slytherins. Having them, knowing them, selectively sharing them with inappropriate parties as a form of revenge — basically every hour passed in a Slytherin house is secrets o’clock. This book safe with a combination lock is a secret within a secret, and is perfect for hiding away proof of crimes, blackmail material, incriminating photographs, or cursed jewelry.
Price: $13.49 on Amazon
2. A reasonably sized Scottish castle
Why not dream big? Slytherins have a naturally aristocratic bearing and would be a perfect fit in any castle, but Dalmoak in Scotland has a particularly regal vibe. This Tudor and Gothic style castle in Scotland comes complete with two tower rooms and what might be the largest privately owned stained glass window in Scotland. Only the best for the best house.
Price: Starting from $1,178,492 via Savills
3. A serpent bangle
It’s all well and good to have house pride, but as the tastemakers of Hogwarts Slytherins prefer to rep the serpent house with more subtlety than, say...a garish Gryffindor would. This beautiful Leslie Bangle has black crystals in a rose gold setting for a stylish way to say “I like snakes and snakes like me, also I love shiny things, also I’m a witch.”
Price: $129 on Swarovski
4. A Slytherin bathrobe
The one exception to the subtle house pride rule is this green velvet Slytherin bathrobe. Look at it, it’s perfect. Imagine how luxurious your Slytherin buddy would feel lounging around their castle in nothing but this bathrobe (and perhaps that snake bracelet). Slytherins love luxury almost as much as they love secrets, and they all look wonderful in green.
Price: $129 on PBteen
5. A fancy box of chocolates for sharing with a chosen few
People like to think of Slytherins as purposefully isolated geniuses who lock themselves in towers until they emerge with their perfect plan for world domination, but that’s a wild generalization. Slytherins may be characterized by their ambition, but they know you can’t get anywhere without some loyal minio— er, friends by their side. A fancy sampler box of Maison du Chocolat chocolate is a perfect gift for Slytherins who want to share some of their good gifting fortune with their closest allies...for one reason or another.
Price: $65 on La Maison du Chocolat
6. A framed antique world map
Speaking of world domination, Slytherins are into it. They also love attractive home decor. Help your Slythie pal plot out the course of their global takeover with a beautiful map, which they may or may not ruin with flag pins placed on the major world cities and continental regions over which they have already exerted their influence. It’s a conversation piece and a way of keeping track over which Balkan States have yet to fall in line.
Price: $90 on Wayfair
7. Cards Against Muggles
When Slytherins gather, it’s always a hoot. That’s a joke about all the owls that arrive with said Slytherins. Coming together for good food, good wine, and a party game that’s all about making the most scandalous possible statements is basically their official house sport. This unofficial spinoff of Cards Against Humanity is themed around the Wizarding World, so make sure to bone up on your magical creatures and wizard history before challenging your friends to a round.
Price: $55 on Cards Against Muggles
8. Bar tools
Fun fact: Slytherins are often very drunk. It’s a side effect of being the glamorous, gimlet-drinking social overlords of wizard society. Any Slytherin worth their salt should always maintain a well-stocked bar with enough ingredients to whip up at least five different types of screwdriver, and these beautiful bar tools would make the process much more aesthetically pleasing.
Price: $69 on Pottery Barn
9. A Midnight bath bomb
The setting: a candlelit bathroom at your Slytherin friend’s house. The soundscape: a curated playlist of soothing Gregorian chants. The snack situation: the chocolate box and an ice cold martini mixed up with the bar tools. The occasion: it’s Tuesday and your Slytherin is feeling groovy. The gift: a Midnight Bath Bomb by Soapie Shoppe to turn their bathwater jet black and provide aromatherapeutic relief.
Price: $5.99 on Amazon
10. A venus flytrap
To be fair, a carnivorous plant is a fantastic gift for anyone, not just a Slytherin. Fun-loving witches and wizards of all ages should always maintain a hothouse populated with plants that do more than suck up water and stare at the sun, but Slytherins in particular get a kick out of watching a darling, many-toothed plant angel gobble up and digest pesky flies. This venus flytrap is appropriately sized for apartment living or for transplant into a small pot, preferably one encrusted with cursed emeralds.
Price: $14.99 on Predatory Plants
Alexis Nedd is a senior entertainment reporter at Mashable. A self-named "fanthropologist," she's a fantasy, sci-fi, and superhero nerd with a penchant for pop cultural analysis. Her work has previously appeared in BuzzFeed, Cosmopolitan, Elle, and Esquire.
