I saved Drake's life at the NBA All-Star Game
I am Drake’s number one fan. But I never could have imagined that I would save his life.
From Meek Mill to President Obama, Drake’s legion of enemies has grown, along with his paranoia -- leaving him dangerously exposed during “the biggest moment of his life”, as the host of NBA All-Star Weekend in Toronto.
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So I took matters into my own hands, using my Mashable corporate card and press credentials to fly to Toronto and serve as Drake’s guardian angel for the weekend. It was the least I could do for a man whose art had guided me ever since we were both Jewish boys navigating the social dramas of teenage life.
I faced a near-impossible task
I faced a near-impossible task: to track down and apprehend the source of Drake’s danger amid a sea of potential suspects. So I started by confronting Drake’s peers: the NBA All-Stars and celebrities participating with them in the weekend’s events.
When I confronted reigning NBA MVP Stephen Curry, he insisted that he would be looking out for Drake, while Eastern Conference superstar Dwyane Wade asserted he was “on [Drake’s]” side.
Even NBA legend Dikembe Mutombo performed his signature finger wag at the notion that he might ever turn on Drake.
Yet former MVP Kevin Durant suspiciously suggested that communing with Drake was “not on the agenda”, and Drake’s rival Celebrity Game coach Kevin Hart threatened that he would be “dangerous” to the Canadian superstar. Time would tell if the world’s two most famous Kevins were cohorts in a possible conspiracy.
{cardId: 1635}Mysteriously, there were sixes all over the city, plastered on billboards, fan merchandise and even telephone dial pads, in a seeming nod to the term “6” which Drake has popularized as a slang name for Toronto. It was no coincidence that the city hosted its first first NBA All-Star Game in the year 2016.
I watched with bated breath as the mayor of Toronto bestowed the key to the city to Drake. With him out in the open at center (or is it centre?) court, then coaching the entire game from the sidelines, there was little I could do but look after the '6 God' from my post near the entrance a few rows behind him.
Previously, I had wondered if I had the physical strength and coordination to properly defend Drake in the event of a crisis. It wasn’t until I received a private karate lesson at the dojo of local sensei Jason Pennell that I felt truly prepared to defend my idol at the All-Star Game itself.
Now, I knew I was ready.
I arrived at the Air Canada Centre already knowing full well that the stakes couldn’t be higher. It wasn’t long before Drake burst out of a trapdoor onto the NBA stage to announce the All-Star lineups, with exploding fireworks signaling the pinnacle of his life as a public figure.
A protester outside the venue explicitly warned me that if something were to happen that night, Drake would end up tormented in flames by Jesus’ words of judgment.
I was starting to crack. My cross-examinations of Steph Curry, Kevin Durant, and Dwyane Wade did nothing to prevent them from cavorting with Drake on national television. Even worse, I still had no clues as to who Drake’s enemy could possibly be.
But just outside of a beer stand charmingly titled Suds in the Six, it hit me.
The number six surrounded me
Six. The number that littered Drake’s music and the city of Toronto all weekend - were a coded message, a cry for help.
The number six surrounded me, like a metaphor for the personal hell I experienced in fear for Drake’s well-being.
I darted for Section 106, row six, seat six -- where I found the culprit himself: Drake’s enemy.
Disguised in a pea-coat and mustache, he appeared inconspicuous, but I knew the truth. Without hesitation, I grabbed his wrist, pulled him out of his seat and forcefully removed him from the venue.
Drake was saved. With Air Canada Centre re-entry strictly prohibited, the platinum recording artist would go on to peacefully enjoy the rest of the All-Star game from his court-side seat, and presumably finish work on his fourth studio album Views from the 6 -- a possible nod to my heroic story.
That is, if Drake ever even learns the tale of the man to whom he owes his life. Yet, even if that never happens, I know one thing for sure: one day, Drake and I will become best friends, collaborate on musical projects and hang out all the time forever.
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I have done neat stuff all over these United States from sailing lessons on the Puget Sound to motorcycle maintenance on the backroads of upstate New York. My professional experience extends from newspaper reporting in the mountains of Eastern Oregon to fixing espresso machines throughout Kentucky. I also have kept a cat alive for 10 years.
