Now is the worst time to bring back the Facebook Poke

I find that the absolute best way to introduce yourself to someone is to sneak up behind them, tap them on the shoulder, and then run away as fast as you can.

Or... hold on, no. What I meant to say is that's bizarre, anti-social behavior that no one should ever do outside of a schoolyard playground.

Yet Facebook appears determined to make this a common, accepted way of getting someone's attention on the network. It's made a change to how your friends' profiles appear when you're browsing them on mobile: Now, instead of a Message icon in the row of buttons beneath the profile picture, there's a new button with a familiar name: the Poke.

The poke, of course, has been with Facebook since nearly the beginning. It's not clear exactly what the initial vision was for the feature (Is it a tap on the shoulder? Nod in the hallway? Hang-up call?), and Facebook has never offered much guidance, preferring to leave the act of, uh, poking, up to interpretation.

As a result, Facebook's users found multiple uses: Some used it as a shy hello, while others as the Facebook equivalent of "u up?" A select few became prolific users of the feature, and when they encountered a like-minded soul, a Poke War would ensue. It was hilarious. I guess.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

But this was also the comparatively innocent time of 2006-2009, when social networks were still new to the mainstream. MySpace was king. People had only been texting for a few years. Evan Spiegel, who would go on to create Snapchat, was just a high school kid getting ready to attend Stanford. Who cared what tools Facebook was experimenting with when it was used mostly to play Scrabble?

Now we know better. The power and influence of Facebook in particular -- whose user base is now more than 2 billion strong -- has grown to the point where there's no such thing as a "minor" feature. Giving the Poke new prominence (it never really went away) will certainly mean more of these drive-by interactions, but that's a bad idea, on many levels.

For starters, it's creepy. Yeah, it always was, but things are different today. In a world where many women are rightly being lauded for calling out unwanted sexual advances in their workplaces and lives, giving users a way to hit up others with a vaguely suggestive term doesn't seem like a good idea. To be clear, I don't think an electronic "tap" is the same thing as harassment — it's not even in the same ballpark, really — but it's a bad look to have in the background.

This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.

Second, it's irritating. When you subtract all the flirty use cases, just who actually enjoys being "poked?" You ping me, and I'm supposed to message you back to find out what the hell you want? Who does that? Just send me a message already.

Facebook reportedly has plans to make the poke multi-flavored, adding interactions for a hug, wink, wave, or high-five, but that doesn't address the fundamental randomness of the feature. While those "reactions" are usually welcome in response to a post or status update, I can't see a hug or high-five out of nowhere, with no context, inspiring anything more than bewilderment.

And this really gets at the heart of why the Facebook Poke has no place in 2017: It purposely encourages vagueness in an era where we want clarity. Our relationship with Facebook has matured over the last few years, and, in some key ways, worsened. While we can't quite bring ourselves to quit the network, it's a far cry from the fun playground it once was.

What's needed now is more transparency and honesty, and Facebook has been making some strides in that direction. The Poke, however embodies the exact opposite spirit. It runs counter to what I would argue is some of the best advice for Facebook — and its users — in 2017: Say what you mean.