How to survive 'Game of Thrones' season if you don't watch 'Game of Thrones'
How many times a day do you hear the phrase, "You know what show you should check out? Game of Thrones?"
I GET IT. It's a "phenomenal show." Fine, whatever. But I don't want to watch it. Don't ask me why. I just don't want to.
But with Season 7 of Game of Thrones premiering July 16, it's time for all of us non-watchers to prepare for an onslaught of conversation regarding the series that will seem absolutely never-ending. So, I have come up with a few fool-proof ways for you to be a part of the conversation without ever watching a single episode. I promise they'll work.
P.S. This was written with the only Game of Thrones knowledge I have, so if I get something wrong, don't @ me. I already told you, I don't watch Game of Thrones.
Tell everyone your favorite character is the dragon.
Saying your favorite character is the dragon seems like a safe bet that you don't really need to know a ton about. It's a dragon -- how much backstory could it have? This answer might even get a few chuckles out of your friends.
Is there even a dragon? I wouldn't know, I don't watch Game of Thrones.
Familiarize yourself with only one character, and redirect all conversations to be about that character.
No matter what (this is very important), direct ALL conversations about Game of Thrones to this one character. Even if your character wasn't born yet, or died before whatever scene your friends are talking about, steer it back to your character anyway. Eventually everyone will either be too confused or too annoyed to continue the conversation.
Better yet, maybe they'll educate you, and then you'll have more GoT (that's what the kids call it) info in your arsenal for the inevitable next time they bring it up.
Just cover your ears with your hands and say, "No spoilers! I'm not caught up yet," and the conversation will immediately cease.
GoT watchers respect the "no spoiler" rule more than any group of TV fans I know. If you tell them not to spoil anything, they'll either whisper to each other, or stop talking all together. Either way, they won't be talking about it with you, and that is a win in my book.
Start describing plot lines of Harry Potter.
They're basically the same, right? I mean same drama, same fantasy characters, same dragon. No one will ever notice, I swear.
If you don't know anything about Harry Potter, sorry, I can only get you so far. You should really brush up on at least one major series in pop culture history.
Say "I can't believe that character died. RIP."
From what I hear, every character in GoT dies a horrible death. There's something about a Red Wedding that I hear was *SPOILER ALERT* super bloody, and I'm assuming there were only one or two characters left standing afterwards. If this is the case, odds are that the character all your friends are talking about is long gone.
But if those friends reply to your sadness with "Wait...he didn't die," just say, "Oh, I meant..." then snap your fingers a few times and look like you're thinking really hard until they say another name. Then you exclaim, "YES! That's him. I miss him. RIP."
Phew, crisis averted.
Just keep repeating the phrase "Winter is coming."
It seems like, at this rate, winter will never come. So basically, this strategy is solid mostly because it continues to be true. Winter IS coming. But is it here presently? Not yet.
If all else fails, just say you love Jon Snow -- because everyone does. I think.
Topics Game Of Thrones
Samantha was a Watercooler Web Culture & Lifestyle intern at Mashable. Follow her on Twitter @samiscelz.
