Residents of Brooklyn have the loudest sex in New York City's five boroughs, according to 311 records obtained through a Freedom of Information request by DNAinfo New York.
The records, which document all the times New Yorkers called the city's complaint system in 2014 to flag their neighbors' rowdy relations, show that Brooklyn residents complained 42 times. That number tops Queens, which came in at second with 37. The Bronx and Manhattan were third and fourth, receiving 31 and 23 noise complaints, respectively.
Staten Island, meanwhile, had zero.
Credit: DNAinfo New York/Nigel Chiwaya
Six of Brooklyn's complaints can be traced to one building -- the most for one spot -- found at 7201 Ridge Blvd in Bay Ridge. Here, residents pay $1,550 a month to live in the neighborhood that protrudes into the Hudson River just north of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge -- and, apparently, hear their neighbors getting frisky.
Neighbors complained about a couple that has "very loud sex with the windows open that can be heard throughout the whole bldg," and make a "ridiculously loud amount of noise," including "moaning and screaming" and cries of "Oh yeah, oh, do it to me!" according to the city's records.
NYC's 311 system allows residents to report noisy neighbors whose "loud music or television, talking, and moving or dragging of furniture" bothers them, according to its website. However, there is no specific option for reporting noises related to sex, which means the complaints were all write-ins.
A former resident of the building who moved out last November told Mashable that he hadn't heard a peep, and was unaware of the issue until he saw the DNAinfo report on Wednesday.
While a cursory search for tweets sent by residents of the area revealed no coital complaints, New Yorkers can generally be seen frequently complaining about the noises that occur when millions of people are piled upon one another, separated by the thinnest of walls.
Are The Neighbors Fighting, Having Sex, or Both: the NYC edition— coop cooper (@MissTayLeigh) April 4, 2015
Another night in NYC, another night hearing neighbors have sex #7pm #earlyeveningdelight? #oops— ∆∆ Vorhees ∆∆ (@VorheesMusic) December 1, 2014
A good way to let you know your NYC neighbors know the walls are thin is changing your WiFi network to I_CAN_HEAR_YOU_HAVING_SEX_3B.— Caroline Calloway (@adventuregrams) May 14, 2014
More than two-thirds of the city's residents have said they regularly hear their neighbors's nasty deeds, according to a survey published in the New York Post, with the primary sounds ID'd as thumping (60 % of the time), moaning (56 %) and screaming (28%).
Sex noise is a frequent topic of etiquette columns, where people struggle to find the best approach to deal with their neighbors' dirty dancing. Some are told to leave a note. Others recommend closing your windows and burrowing further behind your bedroom doors.
But the best advice, we think, is to just deal with it -- and flag 311.