Monica Lewinsky opens up about post-sex scandal trauma; the Internet stands in solidarity

"Shame sticks to you like tar," says Monica Lewinsky, describing the pain she still suffers after being raked over the coals for having a sexual relationship with then-President Bill Clinton, in a rare and thoughtful Guardian interview published Saturday. 

Nearly two decades after being widely humiliated, Lewinsky is still reeling from the scandal that threw her into the international spotlight.

"I still have to manage a lot of trauma," she told the Guardian, "any time I put myself in the hands of other people."

Washington insiders and the media weren't the only ones condemning Lewinsky back in the '90s. Unexpected public figures like feminist writer Nancy Friday also took part in the backlash against the former White House intern. 

"I felt like every layer of my skin and my identity were ripped off."

Lewinsky told the newspaper, "I think it's fair to say that whatever mistakes I made, I was hung out to dry by a lot of people — by a lot of the feminists who had loud voices."

 “I felt like every layer of my skin and my identity were ripped off of me in ’98 and ’99."

Though Lewinsky never attempted suicide, she told the Guardian that she came very close to it -- and worked out how she would have ended her life due to the stress induced from the scandal. "I think some young people don't see suicide as an ending, but as a reset," she explained.

Lewinsky specifies in the interview how — though she did try to run away from her past in the years following the scandal — she is now trying to reclaim her past by sharing her story. 

"If I'm stuck with my past, giving it purpose feels meaningful to me."

"There’s shame about the shame," she said. "So there’s a tendency to not want to tell someone what’s going on.”

This very much echoes Lewinsky's 2015 TED Talk: "If I'm stuck with my past, giving it purpose feels meaningful to me."

It's exactly what Lewinsky's been doing since she broke her decade of silence in 2014, when she wrote a story called "Shame And Survival" for Vanity Fair.

“The night before it was published," she told the Guardian, "a friend gave me a card with an Anaïs Nin quote: ‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’”

When asked by the Guardian if she thinks mainstream media would have treated her the same if the scandal broke today, Lewinsky said she hopes it would have been different -- but she's uncertain. 

Following the release of the interview Saturday morning, the Internet responded with enormous sympathy -- even from some who admitted that they had truly dehumanized her in the '90s. 

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This outpouring of compassion and solidarity was quite a surprise for Lewinsky, who shared her utmost gratitude for the inspiring social media reaction via her Twitter page. 

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If you want to talk to someone or are experiencing suicidal thoughts, text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. For international resources, this list is a good place to start.

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