SYDNEY -- Halloween is here. Except a random street party held by 20-year-old students and a lonesome house covered in cobwebs, there is a stillness in the air. There are no knocks at the door, there are no groups of kids cackling as they hurry down the street, there are no free sweets. This is Australian Halloween.
Every year, the debate is thrown around -- why do we ignore the most brilliant holiday of them all? (When you remove Australia Day and Boxing Day, of course). This year is no different. People are FREAKING out.
This is what I want to do and say to people who celebrate Halloween in Australia pic.twitter.com/VIgDe8YQaw— NZ (@normyzee) October 30, 2014
I checked again and, as it was a year ago, this is Australia and it's not Halloween here— Adam Morton (@adamlmorton) October 30, 2014
Oh look it's Halloween. Can't wait to tell the 2.5 sad kids who turn up tonight that I don't have any lollies. BECAUSE THIS IS AUSTRALIA.— Petra Starke (@petstarr) October 30, 2014
Halloween in Australia means not knowing fake cobwebs and spiders from real onesA photo posted by Amie Wee (@amiewee) on Oct 10, 2014 at 1:12am PDT
Americans are even starting to take note of our dismal non-ghoulish lives. The Washington Post wrote a piece blaming British Colonialism for the lack of trick or treatin' and our sad existence. They have tried everything to get to the bottom of the centuries-old problem.
It turns out to be a weird historical quirk of British colonialism and of Britain's brief but world-changing experiment with severe social conservatism in the 19th century. Those two British forces, it turns out, have actually shaped much of the world's Halloween customs today.
The Post states that as Australia was being colonised by the Brits, a Victorian backlash against Halloween was going on and they brought the Halloween hating all the way Down Under.
In the latter half of the 19th century, Great Britain experimented with a form of social conservatism known as Victorianism, after then-monarch Queen Victoria. The strict Victorian social code called for, among other things, a rigid class hierarchy, gender roles that privileged men over women, sexual restraint, an obsession with manners and a deep disdain for all things that might be perceived as indulgent.
So... Halloween doesn't belong in Australia..? Well neither does your Christmas or your Easter thankyouverymuch. #yesallholidays #notalldays— Sofia Alethea (@sofia_alethea) October 29, 2014
This is all well and good, but it doesn't really tell us why some Australians murder the Jack-o'-Lantern fun for everyone. Although the popularity of the spooky day is growing year on year, the reasons for shunning the tradition are diverse and non-sensical, but generally relate to the fact Australia is Australia.
Australians hate American culture
Somewhere in the last few decades, the kids started to get really addicted to American culture. And although many people know Halloween has Celtic traditions, the new interest in the old tradition appears to directly relate to American movies and TV shows. It started slowly with a Bart Simpson reference here, a nibble on a Reese's peanut butter cup there. Next thing you know big red cups are at every teenage party and sexy witches are coming to a street near you.
If social media is to be believed, connected Australians hate this. Not wanting to embrace "American culture" is often a reason thrown around for not getting your zombie mask on. However, we will happily shove a big mac in our face while dancing to Justin Timberlake.
I really want to trick or treat but everyone sucks and doesn't care about Halloween— dweeb lord steph (@tbfhsteph) October 26, 2014
Stranger danger
Stranger danger is also a massive concern in Australia for parents which is made worse by many not even knowing who shares a common wall with them. Knocking on a random door at 10 years old to ask for lollies is counter-intuitive to years of learning "don't take a lolly from a stranger."
Pumpkins aren't in season
Are we really doing this Australia?!! #Halloween pic.twitter.com/6viZTno0fV— Grenadine Girl (GG) (@GrenadineGirl09) October 23, 2014
The other very serious issue we have Down Under is pumpkins. As Halloween falls in spring in Australia, the vegetable of the moment is out of season. Carving an unripe pumpkin can end with a knife wound. So if you survive the door knocking, be prepared to for the horrors of carving a pumpkin.
We don't understand costumes
No, dressing like a bogan or a princess is not original. It is not the best Halloween costume idea ever. You're doing it wrong.
Best Halloween Costume idea ever: Bogan. Flanno shirt Footy shorts Thongs Fake Tats VB Beer— Dat Dragons Dude (@dragonsfan1988) October 30, 2014
Australians are anti-neighbour
There are also the pro-spook arguments, saying the interest in Halloween and ringing random doorbells is a good thing for society. The parents can join in the action and actually get to know their neighbour.
"Parents and children are doing something together that doesn't involve technology. It gives adults a chance to knock on the doors to those around them, in an era where we don't walk the streets, especially kids, and connect with others much at all," social researcher Mark McCrindle told Fairfax Media.
I swear every person who comes to my door on halloween will get a rubbish bin full of water thrown at them.— Buddyblind (@BuddyblindMC) October 28, 2014
That's all well and good, if your neighbour actually opens the door and doesn't throw something at your head. Be warned, although Halloween is getting more popular, there are still a lot of haters lurking in houses across Australia. One year, I was lucky enough to score myself two unshelled peanuts. It's enough to make any superhero cry.
