Debate Drinking Game
(It's the only way we'll get through this thing)
Dan Rather
I’ve been covering presidential elections since Dwight Eisenhower defeated Adlai Stevenson in 1952, and I pride myself on having seen almost everything imaginable. But nothing has prepared me for what is happening in this election cycle with the group of Republicans running for the White House.First of all there is the sheer number (17!). Then there's the whirlwind that is Hurricane Trump whose path and power are impossible to predict. At some point, one of these candidates will rise to the top (or the others will fall away).
The presidency is serious business, but, we’re a long way from the general election. There’s plenty of time to be serious. So in honor of a debate unlike any other, let’s drink instead.
You’ll need to invite lots of debate-watchers — there are 10 candidates debating — or double up on names. Print and cut the photos then drop them in a hat, and draw names. (Or just write their names on pieces of paper. This isn’t fancy.)
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While many candidates are trying not to admit it, this debate is shaping up to be Trump vs. The World. It’s like some sort of WWE Grudge Match. None of the normal debate rules apply to Trump, so he has to be in his own category (thus no one draws his name from the hat). One thing's for certain, Trump will go on the attack, often personally.Here’s a short list of shot-worthy Trump-isms:"Stupid""Loser""Stupid loser""Completely idiotic""Horrible idea"
You can be sure that many of the candidates are coming to take down Trump. If they fire off a zinger and your viewing audience groans, take a drink. If they land a serious blow to The Donald, everybody else has to drink.
The best zingers are off the cuff, or at least seem to be. Contrived attacks often come across as natural as Dick Cheney at a Lady Gaga concert. Let’s just say Lorne Michaels isn’t calling any of these folks to write for Saturday Night Live. Frankly, most presidential debates are completely forgettable. But there are some one-liners that sometimes break through. Off the top of my head, here are some examples from other debates...
Let’s get one thing straight: What you will witness on Aug. 6 is not actually a real debate. Do you remember the names Lincoln and Douglas from your high school American history course? This thing that’s going down on Fox News will be as similar to the Lincoln-Douglas Debates as, well, as Fox News is to NPR. This isn’t a knock on Fox News. None of these "presidential debates," no matter where they are being held, are actually debates. They’re sort of like side-by-side news conferences where the moderator asks a question and the candidates take turns giving canned responses. That’s because politicians hate being surprised or having things outside of their control. So they contrive the rules, with a compliant media, to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Of course one person who is not afraid of surprises is Mr. Trump, so watch him try to blow up whatever rules exist to mix it up with the other people on stage and get the Donald’s share of time and attention. This will not sit well with the other candidates, and you might find them complaining to the moderators.
Ronald Reagan was a transformational president, but it’s been more than 25 years since he occupied the White House. (Marco Rubio was still in high school.) Yet the Gipper remains something of a patron saint to the current GOP. So you can expect the candidates to fall over themselves trying to claim the Reagan legacy as their own. (Scott Walker likes to remind crowds his wedding anniversary is Ronald Reagan's birthday.)
If you took a swig of alcohol every time President Obama’s name is mentioned with a sneer of disgust from these candidates, you will likely find yourself passed out before the first commercial break. One thing that has made it so hard for any of these people to stand out from the crowd is that they actually agree on most things policy-wise. But what they agree about most of all is that President Obama isn’t just the worst president America has ever had, he has single-handedly moved this country backward in almost every category that once made the United States great.
[img src="http://rack.2.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDE0LzExLzMwLzdmL3R1cmtleTQuMTUwM2IuanBnCnAJdGh1bWIJOTUweDUzNCMKZQlqcGc/beaeafc4/4b9/turkey4.jpg" caption="Obama and his daughters during the 2014 presidential turkey pardon." credit="JACQUELYN MARTIN/ASSOCIATED PRESS" alt=""]
And yet there are a few things that some of these Republicans actually agree with Obama, although they would be loath to admit it publicly. One agreement is on giving the president fast-track trade authority. So if you hear your candidate say something even remotely positive about Obama (even that his children seem nice), then take a swig.
There are some buzzwords that conservative primary voters are primed to hear. They are shortcuts that signify a larger meaning. If your candidate brings up one of these, it's time to drink.
Political rhetoric can get hyperbolic at times. Politicians are not known for their subtlety. But there is hopefully one thing on which we can all agree: Nothing a U.S. president has ever done is remotely in the same universe as anything relating to Nazi Germany. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee recently "went there" regarding to the Iran nuclear deal. He shouldn’t have. If your candidate condones this in any way possible, you have lost. And in a way, so have all of us.
Because there are so many plausible Republican candidates (17 at last count), not all of them can fit on the same stage. So Fox News has decided to host a sort of JV Debate for those not doing so hot in the polls. If you are hardcore and up for the challenge, you can modify the rules for the primetime debate and start the party at 5 p.m. ET.After all, it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere, and on Aug. 6, that somewhere is on Fox News. Cheers!