Mrs. Clinton can’t hit off a tee.
There’s no doubt now. They put the ball waist-high for her. She chose a big bat, choked up on the handle, took some practice swings, and called her shot.
And she missed. She missed in Iowa. Again. I don’t mean a slow ground ball to third, either. I’m talking about a wide, clean miss — Mario Mendoza on bad knees, a display where you wonder if it’s time to move back to Little Rock and teach school.
Sanders won however you cut it.— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) February 2, 2016
Her people say the numbers don’t lie, of course. That’s bull, and they know it. A draw in a primary goes to the challenger. It means weakness, lack of communication, a confusion of tactics and strategy. When you’ve run before, when you served in the administration and the game is rigged tighter than Three-card Monte, you either land a fatal blow or look like the rube who got fleeced for her diamonds.
We’ll hear about that line from the women’s lib crowd. But it’s true. Not a single Democrat primary voter is against a woman president. The ones who are old enough likely made a great deal of money when her husband was in office. But Mrs. Clinton is too weak for the center and too cold for the left. The American people are suckers; they want “people to people,” “getting to know you,” all that crap.
The press. The press. It is about the press. Sanders will win New Hampshire, and then the press will do his work for him.— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) February 2, 2016
Clinton gives them something like a ventriloquist who lost her glass of water. The tone is off, and the voice comes from nowhere. Twenty-five years in public life and people don’t know what the hell she’s for. If you have a plan they’ll let you lie all day, but if not they’ll never forgive you.
Sanders believes in something. I respect that. It surprises people, but I do. He fights. My God, in the spring he was down, what, 50 points? Nothing he wants stands a chance of happening, but belief is contagious. If Clinton is the Latin Mass, Sanders is a revival. He’ll win New Hampshire. Clinton will take South Carolina, and then Nevada will be the O.K. Corral.
If Sanders cuts into the minority vote there, Mrs. Clinton will sweat and bleed across the South. Short of an indictment, she’s still the nominee — but the more she’s forced to lead with that glass jaw, she goes into the general diminished.
They are both pathetically inadequate on foreign policy, but Clinton knows the words.— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) February 5, 2016
Foreign policy will do a lot to save her neck, though. She’s no genius — her Asia policy, in particular, is so ineffectual and contradictory as to be worthless — but you saw the debate? She has the terms down cold and she speaks with the illusion of nuance. That’s enough for the grandmother in Peoria.
Sanders was on the right side of Iraq, sure, but otherwise he’s clueless, and he couldn’t lie about it to save his life. No one votes on foreign policy until the general; if she gets there it will pull her through.
But the compliment from Kissinger? Leaning on that is a damn desperate thing. Henry kisses ass like a cat licks itself; it’s vital, public and automatic. Who cares how well Clinton ran State, anyway? The president conducts foreign policy. She knows it, and Henry does, and by God no one knows it more than me.
Sanders finished strong this week. It was smart to appear on Saturday Night Live. Normally I’m against comedy programs. They’re about faults. Do much more than a single line, as we did on Laugh-In, and you confirm what they already think of you. But Sanders is in a unique spot. Politically his big weakness is that he’s a loud socialist in a bad suit, so all he needs is to show up and be himself. Then the public will say he has heart.
Our own side can’t tell the difference between mountain climbing and musical chairs. Trump didn’t get out the vote in Iowa, and skipping the debate looked better to a national audience than it did to Farmer Jack, who expects you to kiss him and cook breakfast.
Who the Christ doesn't hold the seams? @lgasparini77 pic.twitter.com/U8JWXfuuMm— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) February 7, 2016
Now Cruz, like the patsy poker player he is, thinks the wind is at his back. He’s all-in for New Hampshire when he ought to fold and go to South Carolina. He’s getting squeezed everywhere.
Trump is dropping his guard again, Kasich made a strong play in last night's debate, and Rubio, well -- my God. He sounded like a Chatty Cathy doll with a stuck voice box. Christie treated him like a spittoon. They are beating the hell out of each other for a foothold, and If Cruz was smart he’d be at a Charleston fish fry right now.
But we know that guys like Cruz never pass up a chance to celebrate. They beat their chests while the other fellow sharpens his knife and waits. Never stand still. Never. Cut them off at the pass. Get the enemy on the ground, crush him, and plant a flag warning others to keep out.
Gov. Kasich has long been a close associate of President Nixon. - RZ @JWGOP pic.twitter.com/MkcghpUrK4— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) February 5, 2016
I hold myself to that standard, so the next time some son of a bitch says Cruz or Trump or Hillary is mean like Nixon, ask yourself how they stand up to it.
Do they see only today’s problem? Or do they keep an eye on the next move?
So far the race gives only one answer.
Richard Nixon never left us. With the help of playwright Justin Sherin, he continues to speak his mind as @dick_nixon on Twitter.