The Fourth of July combines some of the best things known to mankind and the best parts of being an American -- all in one special day.
If you can find a single holiday that beats the combination of birthday parties, freedom, blowing stuff up, meat cooked over an open flame, liberty, summer, representative democracy, Sousa marches, spun sugar, soft-serve ice cream, checks and balances, and fried things on sticks we celebrate every year, I've got a bridge to sell you.
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But unfortunately, state and city governments can get in the way of us making the most out of Independence Day. Here are 19 laws you need to know about before you go from celebrating the First Amendment to pleading the Fifth.
Alabama
1. Statewide: It is illegal to keep an ice cream cone in your back pocket. If your hands are already carrying hot dogs, burgers, popcorn or all of our constitutional rights, you'll have to hold off on dessert.
2. Mobile: You cannot possess confetti. Don't try to create your own flame-free fireworks show with that.
Tennessee
3. Statewide: You cannot dare a child to purchase beer. The dare probably wouldn't have worked anyway, so don't even bother.
4. Bell Buckle: Throwing bottles at trees is strictly prohibited. Freedom of expression doesn't extend to littering, so protect this beautiful country and recycle your containers.
Utah
5. Statewide: You cannot possess beer in quantities larger than two liters unless you're a retailer. That means you can only do keg stands illuminated by fireworks in 49 states.
North Carolina
6. Statewide: If you're holding any illegal substances, you can actually be taxed for them [PDF]. Freedom is intoxicating enough.
Mississippi
7. Statewide: Cursing in public is punishable by a $100 fine. Don't you dare take George Washington's name in vain, either.
Rhode Island
8. Scituate: It's illegal to take alcoholic beverages onto town-owned property without permission from the town council.
Washington
9. Statewide: It's illegal to destroy any casks or barrels of drinks. If you're going to start a new temperance movement on the Fourth, don't do it here.
10. Walla Walla: If you're celebrating in a public park, don't poison or drug any birds while you're there. It's illegal, and honestly, pretty messed up.
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Colorado
11. Boulder: You're not allowed to keep a couch on your porch, so if you were planning to lounge while watching fireworks from home, you're going to have to get creative.
Oregon
12. Portland: It's illegal to drive through a traffic thoroughfare more than twice at night here, so if you're scouting out great places to catch a fireworks or fun late-night celebrations, be efficient and decisive.
Texas
13. and 14. Galveston: If you're celebrating in Galveston, you better keep yourself together. You can get fined for both making obscene gestures at special events and sitting on a sidewalk. Be an upright citizen, both figuratively and literally.
Ohio
15. Statewide: (Extra freedom bonus) There is an actual law protecting you from being arrested on the Fourth of July, as long as it's not in the case of treason, a felony or breach of the peace.
Take that as you will, but we at Mashable do not endorse or support any criminal behavior. Be a good American, OK?
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Nevada
16. Reno: Don't lie down on the sidewalk in Reno, or you'll get in trouble. At least you can sit down, though, unlike in Galveston.
California
17. Norco: Sadly, you're not even allowed to have fireworks in this town, let alone set them off.
Oklahoma
18. Bartlesville: Baseball may be America's (albeit dying) pastime, but it's strictly prohibited from being played in this city's streets. You're out of luck.
Wisconsin
19. Racine: Here, it's illegal to throw things at people in parades. Racine hosts the Midwest's largest Fourth of July parade, according to the state's tourism website, so please don't mess it up.
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BONUS: 12 Weirdest Laws in the U.S.