LONDON – For any nervous, spider-fearing Brits that say things like, "well I've never liked spiders, but at least the ones you get in this country aren't THAT bad" – it might be time to think again.
British journalist Damian Barr became the latest victim in what now appears to be a string of eight-legged home invasions over the weekend, when he shared the following pictures of a creature that appears to have stumbled up to earth from one of the deepest, darkest pits of hell.
I have never seen a bigger or angrier spider. What is it!? FANGS pic.twitter.com/YRjISRfrHm— Damian Barr (@Damian_Barr) August 23, 2015
Twitter quickly exploded with fear.
@Damian_Barr You should have issued a warning before posting that. Am traumatised.— Hannah Beckerman (@hannahbeckerman) August 23, 2015
@Damian_Barr Most horrific thing I’ve ever seen! Going to have nightmares. I hope you’re okay!— Anjana Menon (@Menon_Anjana) August 23, 2015
Some people tried to be helpful...
@Damian_Barr those pointy things aren't fangs but pedipalps. Used for grasping and mating. Fangs are safely tucked away.— Allan Cabrero (@Ento_Allan) August 23, 2015
...but inadvertently made things worse.
@Ento_Allan @Damian_Barr So it just wants to grab and fuck you. Which is all right then.— Patrick Ness (@Patrick_Ness) August 23, 2015
Barr even shared a nauseating video.
Here is the hideous spider LEAPING TO ATTACK ME WITH EVIL VENOM pic.twitter.com/J0gO3PK2uj— Damian Barr (@Damian_Barr) August 23, 2015
Finally, though, he managed to escape unharmed.
Still reeling from arachnid attack. It's been releAsed at the end of the Street. #boak— Damian Barr (@Damian_Barr) August 23, 2015
"It was on the chimney breast scurrying," Barr told Mashable. "I thought the wall was moving. Ugh the hair on its legs... discernible eyes... it held eye contact better than some dates I've been on."
Barr went on to say that his husband was the one who removed it safely in the end. "It leapt away from him on to a car and stuck there," he said. "Who knows where it is now."
Meanwhile, other people began sharing similarly traumatic experiences.
@Damian_Barr His brother from another mother evaded me for 2hrs before I finally took his ass down pic.twitter.com/Z01we7eNy6— Laura Laurance (@lamcasserole) August 23, 2015
These aren't isolated occurrences, either.
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED SCREENS ON YOUR WINDOWS BRITAIN! THIS.IS.WHY. #spawnofsatan #spider pic.twitter.com/mRasRid7gj— Ashley R Clark (@AshleyRechten) August 22, 2015
Anybody know what this spider is please.. Found in my friends house in britain pic.twitter.com/dZ1PW7YVSe— Mooski...lbt (@originmooski) August 21, 2015
I have just captured the biggest spider in Britain... pic.twitter.com/fyml22Of9v— Lewis Gibbs (@Giibbzz) August 9, 2015
At this stage, only two things are clear: (1) They're coming for us, and (2) They're very, very angry.
UPDATED 24 AUGUST 16:10: Mashable has spoken to Dr Geoff Oxford of the British Arachnological Society, who has confirmed the type of spider pictured in Barr's tweet and (sort of) put our minds at rest.
"This is one of the Large House spiders (Tegenaria species - also more recently called Eratigena)," said Oxford. "It will be one of three species, which one depends on where in the country it was found. All three look identical and can only be distinguished by a microscopical examination. This specimen is a mature male. They are totally harmless."