The Guardians of the Galaxy premiere was just what you'd hope for from a modern Marvel movie: Big stars, big venue, big laughs.
But the 3,400 or so privileged souls invited to the Dolby Theater in Hollywood on Monday night missed out on what's sure to be a big reveal. No matter who you are, you gotta pay to see the end-credits sequence, whatever it may turn out to be.
That's just how Marvel does it: Going back as far as Iron Man, the studio has routinely held its bonus scenes for opening night at the box office, which is altogether cruel and shrewd and brilliant. Were it any other way, you'd surely have read -- or at least had the opportunity to read -- something about that Easter-Egg sequence by now. Could you have resisted? Well then ... you're more disciplined than I.
Lucky four you, true believers, Marvel is smarter than both of us. Their way means the moviegoing public holds a card the press and privileged classes do not, and something special is saved for opening night. Bonus: the 750 million visual effects artists who worked on the film have much improved odds at someone actually reading their name.
Despite that precedent, a lot of people still hang in at the end of premieres and press screenings -- guilty -- to be sure they're not missing anything, then inevitably let out a collective grumble when it doesn't come, as happened Monday night. (The $15 I'm likely to invest in seeing that 15- to 30-second clip will be a molecule in Disney's $12 billion or so quarterly revenue bucket, but hey, every little bit helps.)
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/bradley.cooper.jpg" caption="Bradley Cooper at the Monday night premiere of "Guardians of the Galaxy" in Hollywood." credit="Disney" alt="The World Premiere Of Marvel's Epic Space Adventure "Guardians Of The Galaxy" - Red Carpet"]
One thing the free-popcorn-and-validated-parking crowd did get to see on Monday night that the masses will not: the faces of Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel.
Cooper's million-dollar-mug doesn't make the screen, but his distant approximation of Al Pacino via Gilbert Gottfried does (some people have a face for radio, Cooper has a voice for movies). But Rocket is, after all, a raccoon who shoots laser cannons and as such is awesome.
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/vin.diesel.jpg" caption="Vin Diesel smiles with Disney bosses at the premiere of "Guardians of the Galaxy."" credit="Disney" alt="The World Premiere Of Marvel's Epic Space Adventure "Guardians Of The Galaxy" - Red Carpet"]
Diesel also does not appear onscreen, but he probably made more money from saying "I am Groot" 15 or 20 times than you will make in the next 20 years. He looked commensurately happy about the arrangement.
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/glenn.close_.jpg" caption="Glenn Close attends the Monday night premiere of "Guardians of the Galaxy."" credit="Disney" alt="The World Premiere Of Marvel's Epic Space Adventure "Guardians Of The Galaxy" - Red Carpet"]
They also saw Glenn Close in a very expensive looking ivory smock thingy; Karen Gillan trying out the bumbly-stumbly manner that Jennifer Lawrence puts on for these outings, to equally adorable/relatable effect; and the dazzling diamond-white soles of Marvel Studios honcho Kevin Feige's skate shoes.
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/GOTG.james_.gunn_.kevin_.feige_.jpg" caption=""Guardians of the Galaxy" director James Gunn and Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige." credit="" alt="The World Premiere Of Marvel's Epic Space Adventure "Guardians Of The Galaxy" - Red Carpet"]
They also witnessed Feige slap a hug on director James Gunn, who is so in the Marvel Club now, and more than likely to land another, possibly bigger, job there. Guardians of the Galaxy is a powerful gem, and it easily rockets Marvel's cinematic universe into the cosmos, the grandest, most cinematic playground for its heroes and villains.
Disney says reviews are embargoed until opening day, so that's all I feel at liberty to say for now. It's a highly unusual call, holding off reviews for a film that Twitter is already crushing with praise. I very much doubt it will stand.
But one thing that will stand: That end-credits scene, well away from the internet. At least until the film comes out Aug. 1.