If you're part of the Harry Potter generation, you've been through a lot. You waited years and years for new books, then stood in line to pick them up while constantly haunted by a fear of spoilers. You loyally watched the movies, and are still pining patiently for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which will follow the adventures of magical zoologist Newt Scamander. And now you're getting a play -- not a prequel -- called Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.
[seealso slug="harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-synopsis"]
Pottermore has now confirmed that the upcoming production will focus on an adult Harry and his second son, Albus Severus Potter. That means that all those characters we grew up with? They're grown up, too.
"Harry Potter buys a sports car" — @DrewTailored #CursedChild— liz (@Ecmoy) October 23, 2015
DON'T YOU ATTICUS FINCH MY HERMIONE, J.K. ROWLING. DON'T YOU DO IT.— elaine atwell (@ElaineAtwell) October 23, 2015
For fans who have grappled with letting go of Harry Potter's story many times, this is causing some issues. Harry Potter is back, and he's an adult, with a job. Is J.K. Rowling trying to destroy the childhoods that she so magically defined?
One would hope not. But since one of the things Harry Potter fans do best is to theorize, we started to think about what might happen in Cursed Child...
Harry finds out that Albus Severus is "cursed" -- and gets super territorial about it
"Dude, that's my thing. Do you have any idea who I am? Do you know what I've been through? Do you even read, bro?"
Albus breaks the news to his father that he just wants to be a dancer
Harry would surely see this as a curse, seeing as he himself had zero aptitude for the art. But maybe Professor Longbottom can help young Albus out.
Or maybe Albus just wants to live as a Muggle
We have smart phones! And pens!
Albus develops a crush on Rose Weasley, who secretly lusts after Teddy Lupin -- who, as well all know, ends up snogging her cousin Victoire
Unrequited love! The ultimate curse.
The play is really about Hermione, who takes the stage in a two-hour -- and two-part -- monologue about house elf rights
Finally, Herm-own-ninny gets her moment.
Art reflects life, and Ron Weasley buys an ice cream truck
Thanks, Uncle Ron! You're the coolest.
Harry leaves Ginny for Draco
Thousands of Drarry fans rejoice; millions of fanfics become canon.
The play is just a series of spoken J.K. Rowling tweets...but we still don't get a Harry Potter encyclopedia
Jo giveth and Jo taketh away.
One things fan already agree on: The true curse is being named Albus Severus Potter.
the only thing about albus severus that's cursed is his name— spoopy sam (@danrxdcliffe) October 23, 2015
apparently the "cursed child" play is about albus severus like no offense with a name like that of course the kid is cursed— jami ❀ (@aarunburr) October 23, 2015
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: where Albus Severus has to deal with the consequences of Harry's poor naming choices— Countessa Netting (@tessanetting) October 23, 2015
Poor Albus Severus. He didn't choose this life.
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child will be performed at London's West End in 2016. Tickets go on sale at the end of the month and are already available for priority booking.