LONDON – If you're going to be an Executive Personal Assistant to someone with an incredibly hectic schedule, it's pretty much a given that you'll need to be a good multitasker.
And obviously you'll need strong organisational skills, and the ability to balance duties that range from preparing presentations to managing a calendar, and watering your boss's plants and making sure the fridge is stocked, and not to mention booking the family's social events (including spa days) and obviously managing their global brand and producing iPhone apps and – wait, hang on a minute.
If that list sounds a tad over-extensive, just wait until you see read all 45 responsibilities that come under the job advert for Jermain Defoe & Family/Defoe Enterprise Personal Assistant listed on specialist job site Secsinthecity.co.uk. To say they're fairly thorough (and, in some cases, just plain strange) would be putting it mildly.
The list starts off looking quite jam-packed, but seems reasonable enough.
Sandra is Jermain Defoe's Mum, by the way.
As you scroll further down, though, things start to get a bit odd.
This is starting to feel like a lot of stuff for one person to handle, but whatever.
As the list goes on and on, things get weirder still.
Does everyone go on the spa days, or do the family pets do something different while everyone else is at the spa? And should this inventory of holiday villas be a world-wide inventory? Oh dear, this is already getting quite stressful.
Eventually it all gets a bit ridiculous.
But doesn't app development require quite an extensive set of skills? In fact, don't whole teams of people normally work together to build an app? Also, how do you go about creating a fragrance for someone again?
Finally, things end on a slightly ominous note.
Damn right you'll need to be on call, because what if Defoe runs out of milk at 1:00 a.m. and decides he wants a cup of tea? You'd better believe there's only one person he'll be calling in an emergency like that.
The job ad has now expired, so unfortunately – if you were thinking of applying – you've missed the boat.
Mashable has reached out to both Defoe's representatives and secsinthecity.co.uk and we will update this article if we receive a response.