Would you rather have screaming nipples or a tongue that constantly interrupts you? Only John Oliver could make one of these options sound remotely desirable.
The comedian answered a series of "Would You Rather" questions submitted by fans while backstage at The Tonight Show.
Other divisive topics included the merits of peanut butter snot, corduroy skin and eating your child's pet.
BONUS: John Oliver and Cookie Monster Deliver the Last Word on News