Valentine's Day is about to get hot in the Kardashian-West household.
Tastemaker Kim Kardashian has just published a gift guide for Valentine's Day, titled "Behind Closed Doors."
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The list is made up mainly of toys, but not the kind you'd see in North or Saint's bedrooms (we hope). We'd say this gift guide is more of the NSFW variety, unless you're trying to "break the Internet" a la Kim in 2014. Because posing naked is work, you guys!
Buying everything on the list will cost you more than $10,000, and unless you have Kardashian's kind of money, that just won't fly.
50 Shades of Grey Sweet Sting Riding Crop, $34.95
Imagine riding your beau like a pony the way Kim rode Kanye like a motorcycle in the "Bound 2" video, but with less production value and fewer parodies by Seth Rogen and James Franco.
Booty Parlor Melt Chocolate Body Fondue, $18
You obviously need this edible chocolate fondue paint that is totally not the same as chocolate syrup (but probably is the same as chocolate syrup).
Armand de Brignac Brut Rose Champagne, $9999.98
I swear on my life if you don't buy this for me on Valentine's Day I will never, ever let you eat any of my chocolate body fondue.
Happy Valentine's Day, Kimye. We now know way too much about your sex life.
[h/t People]