Be forewarned: if you have not seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens, there are spoilers below.
If you have seen the movie, however, then you are well aware of the fact that the entire plot of The Force Awakens basically hinges on the attempt to find Luke Skywalker, who hasn't been seen in years. When a map to Luke's hideout finally presents itself (thanks to R2D2 and BB-8), we discover that Luke has been living on an island in the middle of an ocean, on a world that the script reveals is called Ahch-To, like some sort of hermit.
[seealso slug="star-wars-first-time-space-voldemort"]
All of which, dear friends, is the perfect fodder for a parody Twitter account.
A user going by the handle Very Lonely Luke has been spending recent days serving up all of the deep and desolate thoughts that could be going through Skywalker's head while he passes time on his desolate island.
From musing about the wellbeing of his nephew Kylo Ren, to staring at the ocean, to wishing for a single friend, Very Lonely Luke is both hilarious and pathetic. Here are a few of the most dazzling gems, direct from the hermit's brain:
Leia said, "You're his uncle. Talk to Kylo Ren" And I said "I'd love to share parenting responsibilities with you" Then I ran away forever— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016
Have the last 20 years of my life been a waste of time? No. They have not been a waste of time. That ocean isn't going to watch itself.— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016
Some people don't like it when I swear And by people, I mean one person And by person, I mean a rock I threw it the ocean Fuck that rock— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016
I'm done staring at the ocean. That didn't accomplish anything. Now I'll glare at it. Totally different.— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016
Sometimes I don't know why I get out of bed. Then I remember I don't have a bed. I sleep on rocks. It still hurts less than my loneliness— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016
Staring at the ocean isn't always the same. One time I thought I saw something. It turned out to be nothing. It was an exciting day.— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 4, 2016
Hey @Charmin, can you hook me up? I came to this planet 20 years ago, and I only brought one roll. Kind of a crisis here.— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016
I would never Netflix and chill. The Jedi code forbids it. I Netflix and die alone.— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 3, 2016