As an Emmy-winning editor of Modern Family, Ryan Case has a professionally tuned sense of comic timing -- and the Twitter sass to match -- but it took a cosmic coincidence to put Case in a seat behind a severely drunken passenger so lacking in self-awareness that if she were a character on TV, we'd laugh the writers out of the room.
Oh did we mention that Case's flight had a wifi connection? Thank you, cosmos.
Over the course of nearly four hours, Case pulled no punches while observing "the worst person in the world" -- 64 tweets in all, each more hysterically appalling than the one before.
We won't steal any more of her thunder, other than to say yes, she got a photo. It's toward the bottom, but don't worry, you'll make it there -- just enjoy the saga unfolding in real time, as we did early Monday morning:
Sitting behind the worst person in the world.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She was watching Hawaii 5.0 so loudly in her earphones that her seat mate asked her to turn it down. Worst move he ever made.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She apologized in the loudest, drunkest voice ever "SORRY ITS MY 1ST TIME NOT IN 1ST CLASS" & hasn't stopped talking since.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I want to use mind control to make the flight attendant put tranquilizers in the double rum & coke she just ordered.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She keeps saying "I know David Guetta" in a prideful way.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I'm tweeting this so one of you will fund my defense team at my eventual murder trial.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
You guys, she goes to Vegas all the time and her table is always next to the DJ.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
After saying "MY ARAB FRIENDS" so many times she slurred "is that SO racist?" then kept on saying it— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She missed her intended flight and ended up here. She has a window seat and I'm in a middle. The universe has wronged me.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She invited herself on her seat mate's Vegas trip.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
It baffles her that her seat mate doesn't drink. She's GRILLING him about it and sloshing her drink at him and I think trying to bone him— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
"I feel like in Dubai every car I sat in is a Range Rover." - this girl— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She said "I have a very racist view of all Middle East." She's talking to a middle Eastern man, also mocking his accent.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
After awkward silence following a particularly racist comment miraculously came, "anyways am I talking your ear off?" & trying to bone again— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She keeps trying to take his photo & claims he looks just like her friend who's GORGEOUS.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
97th time she's asked "YOU DONT DRINK DO YOU?!"— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I refuse to believe this girl has any friends.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's throwing business cards at him.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
"Oh those are my Tom Fords."— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She thought she lost her shoes then whooped loudly when she found them as if they weren't 6 inches in front of her.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She just went to the bathroom. My greatest hope is she passes out in there for the duration of the flight.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I forgot the joy of silence there for a while.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I can hear her trying to beg the flight attendant in back for something, undoubtedly world peace. I'm kidding it's vodka.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Fantasizing about the part in the movie Airplane! where passengers lined up with weapons. She's back.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She just returned with beer and made her seat mates listen to a toast. She calls them "buddy" now.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
During her time in the bathroom, she forgot if her seat mate drinks or not. Again.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She asked if he's ever been to Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She said to him "ill take you. We can never be together but we'll be good friends." He has to be distraught.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Her Hawaii 5.0 is back on. May it lull her into the deepest sleep a train wreck has ever known.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Now she's cackling and clapping at The Mysteries of Laura.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's taken control of her seat mate's TV and is making him watch The Mysteries of Laura.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's listing all the things she wouldn't be allowed to do in her seat mate's country. She should go there if the list includes speaking.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She is taking 20 minutes to pay for her new drink. The flight attendant may rob me of the joy of this murder.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's pointing stuff out to seat mate on the interactive map. "The only thing good here is Vegas."— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
You guys she just slipped up and revealed she's been married before and is freaking out now in the aftermath.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Someone married her.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She just kissed his neck twice. Look out.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
The guy in front of her just shouted at her. He's a true hero.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
The couple in front of her are shouting at her. She's slurring "what is first class? I've never been on it."— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She called this guy's wife classless and "to shut the F up"— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She called his wife a bitch. I don't think I'll have to kill her.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
"This is what the F happens when you don't fly first class." she shrieked.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
The flight attendant is confronting her abt several complaints made about her and says if she has another incident she's calling authorities— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's been asked to stop speaking— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Her response was "they're not on my level anyway"— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Then she muttered "bitch" and it's getting very real— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She just got yelled at so publicly.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's incapable of being quiet, like a toddler but not cute.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's confronting the people in front of her again with many "shut the F ups". I can't wait to see her in cuffs.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Police are meeting the aircraft.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
"I'm not allowed to talk any more." she talked.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I'm starting to think Abdul won't marry her!— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
We land soon and I hope I can get a pic of her in cuffs to end this saga.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I think she's passed out on Abdul.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
We've landed. She confirmed with Abdul that he has her digits. Don't hold your breath, Nadia. Her name is Nadia.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
She's trying to use her phone but she's so wasted she doesn't realize the flashlight is on.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
God only knows what she's texting her "friends"— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
A police car just pulled up.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Loud phone call. Surprising. pic.twitter.com/WzoK0ApyDy— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
4 cops are with her now.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
The amount of empty Titos vodka bottles under her seat was CHILLING.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Abdul sits at baggage claim, naked and afraid, looking over his shoulder constantly. LOL— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
I saw her kiss you, bro. To be fair though he RAN ASAP.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014
Not to be too Nadia about this, but I wish Abdul could have a stiff drink right about now.— Ryan Case (@film114) September 29, 2014