What would you expect to see from a Bill Murray Christmas special directed by Sofia Coppola? Cool celebrities pallin' around and riffing on each other, without a script in sight? Moody New York cityscapes punctuated by tinkly piano and ironically festive accessories? Wes Anderson-esque deadpan humor? A mixture of old standards and new classics, performed with mocking sincerity by the man who originally found fame as a fake lounge singer?
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All those boxes get checked by Netflix's A Very Murray Christmas, which debuted on the streaming service at midnight PT on Friday. The hourlong show takes the standard holiday special format -- loose frame story about a bad snow storm; rote dialogue that exists in order to introduce new songs; cameos on cameos on cameos -- and injects a burst of Lost in Translation-style melancholy. It is, in short, exactly what you think it'll be -- and most of it features the title star at his very Murray-est. For example:
1. The special begins with Murray starring mournfully at a snowstorm while wearing a tasteful pair of reindeer antlers.
2. At one point, Murray screams "God hates me!" into a pillow.
3. Michael Cera, playing a "Hollywood sleazebag," asks Murray if he's seen the notorious flop Monuments Men -- and Murray responds, "I was in it." It's a bit of self- shade that echoes Murray's big Zombieland death scene.
4. A pan over the empty theater where Murray is to perform -- his Christmas special has been foiled by a blizzard that's preventing his guests from arriving, you see -- reveals that Paul McCartney, Pope Francis and Iggy Azalea were all supposed to be sitting next to each other in the audience. Which isn't a thing Murray does, exactly, but does seem like a gag he wrote.
5. Murray forces a visibly uncomfortable Chris Rock, who just happens to be walking by the hotel, to sing a duet of "Do You Hear What I Hear?" in matching turtlenecks.
7. Then he does "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with Jenny Lewis, replacing the song's lyrics with his own Murrayan ad libs: "You couldn't get a cab if your life depended on it! This is so corny, but your eyes look like starlight right now."
8. And, finally, he tells Jenny, "This is the second warmest spot on the human body" before grabbing her hand and sticking it firmly in his armpit.
9. Murray comforts a group of irate French chefs, played by the actual Frenchmen of Phoenix, by declaring that he won't let their food perish even though the hotel's refrigerators have stopped working: "Your beautiful food will not die -- it will live forever. Because we will consume all of it! Now, quickly, form a human chain!"
10. Then he helps Phoenix sing the Beach Boys' "Alone on Christmas Day."
11. Jason Schwarzman shows up.
12. When confronting Schwarzman, Murray decides to pretend to be a restless spirit, just for kicks: "I'm a ghost. I've got to keep haunting and haunting and haunting."
13. He tells Schwarzman and his estranged fiancee, Rashida Jones, to think about the moment they know they were in love and sing about it "to each other. But I'll probably listen."
14. Then he eases their estrangement with this little speech: "By the power invested in me by the Writers Guild of America, the Screen Actors Guild, and the Directors Guild -- I’m also on the waitlist for the Teamsters union -- I now pronounce you two officially re-engaged."
15. He leads a rousing group singalong of The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" before promptly passing out.
16. He awakens on a glittering, white fantasy soundstage, where he promptly begins quasi-humping Miley Cyrus as she sings "Sleigh Ride." At one point, he spoonerizes the lyrics in a very charming way: "Just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling/jing ting tingling too." (For the record: Miley sounds great, both here and in her solo rendition of "Silent Night."
17. Then, finally, he duets with George Clooney on a goofily sensual "Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin'," before abruptly awakening back in the real world -- where he'll live to snark again. Murray Christmas to all, and to all a good Murray.