The time has come for Barbie to get a radical makeover.
Of course, it's been less than a week since Mattel rolled out their new and improved Barbie collection. Sure, we now have a body-positive, curvy barbie. And yes, critics and consumers everywhere have lauded the collection, even though it should have come much sooner. Still, many call it "modern," "empowering" and "revolutionary."
Blah blah blah. Who cares?
For all of little people in the the margins, Mattel simply hasn't gone far enough. Where were the Barbies who looked like us -- string cheese humans with toothpick backbones, chronic rashes and erratic chin chair? Where was the poor posture? The flat feet? The hairballs?
Dream bigger, Mattel. Here are 35 VERY serious suggestions from people with zero professional expertise.
1. Goth Barbie
2. Beefcake Barbie
3. Poor Posture Barbie
4. Emo Barbie
5. "Beautiful on the inside" Barbie
6. Vine Star Barbie
7. Barbie Who Cuts her Own Bangs
8. Trust Fund Barbie
9. ENFJ Barbie
10. Sapiosexual Barbie
11. Bootleg Barbie
12. Suspicious Mole Barbie
13. 'Fat Jew' Barbie
14. PMS Acne Barbie
15. Barbie Who Made Bad Decisions about Her Eyebrows in Her Twenties
16. Adult Braces Barbie
17. Social Media Manager Barbie
18. Art History Major Who's Hoping to Make Rent by Working at Starbucks
19. Seasonal Allergies Barbie
20. Designated driver Barbie
21. Coachella Barbie
22. Vegan Gluten-free Barbie
23. Jewish Grandfather Barbie
24. Vodka Dinner on a Tuesday Barbie
25. Adult Who Actually Wants to Date a 'One Direction' Member Barbie
26. Psychoanalytic Barbie
27. Crossfit Barbie
28. Power Bottom Barbie
29. Menopausal Aunt Diane Barbie
30. Snapchat Filter Barbie
31. Cro-Magnon Barbie
32. Pregnancy Scare Barbie
33. "Just Got a Dick Pic" Barbie
34. Giant Squid Barbie
35. Eddie Vedder Barbie
