Pull up a chair, teens. Gather round. Let me tell you about a time, not that long ago, known as the Dawn of the Internet. Websites took forever, videos loaded as QuickTime files and there was a thing called "word art."
Yes, youths. I know it's hard to believe. While politicians today realize the power of the Internet and social media -- they're even using emoji to talk about student loans -- presidential campaigns of yore were a different story.
Let's take a little trip to visit the ghosts of campaigns past.
Bill Clinton and Al Gore | 1996
Bonus: downloadable Clinton/Gore screen savers!
Bob Dole and Jack Kemp | 1996
The also-rans' campaign website is still live. (Proceed with caution.)
HermainCain.com | 1999
This was back when Cain was the CEO of the National Restaurant Association. He also enjoyed a brief stint as the Republican frontrunner in 2011.
It also featured some awesome bookshelf clip art.
AlGore.com | 2000
This time, the incumbent VP was the first name on the Democratic ticket. The highlight of Gore and Joe Lieberman's campaign website was definitely its mobile-first foresight.
But perhaps even better is the source code that populated the top of the page:
Thanks for checking out our source code! I plan to use this space to post special messages to those who are helping to improve our web site -- by making our source code the best it can be. The fact that you are peeking behind the scenes at our site means you can make an important difference to this Internet effort. I'm grateful for your help and support in this campaign. Now let's keep working to build the 21st Century of our dreams! --Al Gore
WhiteHouse.gov | 2001
Get it, the White House is cropped into an oval? Because of the Oval Office? Good one, web admins!
WhiteHouse.gov for Kids | 2001
Romney2002.com | 2002
Honestly, I learned more about Romney from the "Kids' Page" of his 2002 website -- during his run for governor in the Massachusetts gubernatiorial election -- than I did during his run for the White House. While you may not agree with his foreign policy, you can't argue with the fact that Rocky Road ice cream is f*cking delicious.
GeorgeWBush.com | 2004
In 2004, the dynamic duo ran for re-election. They redefined what WWW stands for: Why Would W. think this is OK?
Guys, they care about bloggers. Bloggers!
JohnKerry.com | 2004
Even a decade ago, people were reserving URLs before politicians had the sense to snap them up. Case in point: Someone requested a five-figure sum for KerryEdwards.com.
HillaryClinton.com | 2005
In 2005, Hillary was running for re-election to the U.S. Senate.
The real news here, though, is that Marc Jacobs designed T-shirts for her.
Believe me now, kids? Now go forth and follow the 2016 candidates on Snapchat. In 10 years, people will be making fun of us for it.