Did a bear rape attack beat out crusading journalists and Imperator Furiosa for the night's biggest prize? (Turns out, no.) Did Sylvester Stallone snag a statuette for playing a guy he first invented 40 years ago? (That'd be a no, again.)
And did longtime Oscar loser Leonardo DiCaprio finally, finally, finally snag the award that's eluded him for more than 20 years? (That one's a yes. Hooray!)
All was revealed at tonight's Academy Awards, where Mad Max reigned supreme -- and a surprise contender ended up snagging Best Picture.
[seealso slug="oscars-fashion-wtf"]
Here's a full list of winners, from Documentary Short to Best Actress and beyond:
Best Picture
Spotlight
The Big Short
Bridge of Spies
Brooklyn
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Martian
The Revenant
Room
Best Actor
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant
Bryan Cranston, Trumbo
Matt Damon, The Martian
Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs
Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl
Best Actress
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/room.thm_.png" caption="Brie Larson in "Room."" credit="A24" alt="room.thm"]
Brie Larson, Room
Cate Blanchett, Carol
Jennifer Lawrence, Joy
Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years
Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn
Best Director
Alejandro Iñárritu, The Revenant
Adam McKay, The Big Short
George Miller, Mad Max: Fury Road
Lenny Abrahamson, Room
Tom McCarthy, Spotlight
Best Original Song
"Writing's on the Wall," Spectre
"Earned It," Fifty Shades of Grey
"Manta Ray," Racing Extinction
"Simple Song #3," Youth
"Til It Happens to You," The Hunting Ground
Best Original Score
The Hateful Eight
Bridge of Spies
Carol
Sicario
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Best Foreign Language Film
Son of Saul
Embrace of the Serpent
Mustang
Theeb
A War
Best Live Action Short
Stutterer
Ave Maria
Day One
Everything Will Be Okay (Alles Wird Gut)
Shok
Best Documentary Feature
Amy
Cartel Land
The Look of Silence
What Happened, Miss Simone?
Winter on Fire: Ukraine's Fight for Freedom
Best Documentary Short
A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness
Body Team 12
Chau, Beyond the Lines
Claude Lanzmann: Spectres of the Shoah
Last Day of Freedom
Best Supporting Actor
Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies
Christian Bale, The Big Short
Tom Hardy, The Revenant
Mark Ruffalo, Spotlight
Sylvester Stallone, Creed
Best Animated Feature
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/inside.out_.box_.office.thm_.png" caption="We're happy for "Inside Out," we're sad for "Inside Out."" credit="Disney/Pixar" alt="inside.out.box.office.thm"]
Inside Out
Boy and the World
Shaun the Sheep Movie
When Marnie Was There
Best Animated Short
Bear Story
Prologue
Sanjay's Super Team
We Can't Live Without Cosmos
World of Tomorrow
Best Visual Effects
Ex Machina
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Martian
The Revenant
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Best Sound Mixing
Mad Max: Fury Road
Bridge of Spies
The Martian
The Revenant
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Best Sound Editing
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Martian
The Revenant
Sicario
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Best Film Editing
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/mad.max_.fury_.road_.cinemacon.png" caption="A scene from Warner Bros. "Mad Max: Fury Road."" credit="" alt="mad.max.fury.road.cinemacon"]
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Big Short
The Revenant
Spotlight
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Best Cinematography
The Revenant
Carol
The Hateful Eight
Mad Max: Fury Road
Sicario
Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Mad Max: Fury Road
The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed out the Window and Disappeared
The Revenant
Best Production Design
Mad Max: Fury Road
Bridge of Spies
The Danish Girl
The Martian
The Revenant
Best Costume Design
Mad Max: Fury Road
Carol
Cinderella
The Danish Girl
The Revenant
Best Supporting Actress
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/alicia.vikander.png" caption="Alicia Vikander as Gerda steals the show in "The Danish Girl."" credit="YouTube" alt="alicia.vikander"]
Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl
Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight
Rooney Mara, Carol
Rachel McAdams, Spotlight
Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs
Best Adapted Screenplay
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/big.short_.thm_.png" caption="Ryan Gosling in "The Big Short."" credit="" alt="big.short.thm"]
The Big Short
Brooklyn
Carol
The Martian
Room
Best Original Screenplay
[img src="http://admin.mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/spotlight.thm_.png" caption="The cast of "Spotlight."" credit="" alt="spotlight.thm"]
Spotlight
Bridge of Spies
Ex Machina
Inside Out
Straight Outta Compton