The Renaissance was a time in our history characterized by major cultural and scientific innovation. Aided by great thinkers such as Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo, it brought about the appreciation of beauty and the desire to create it. For that, we give them some serious props.
But in that noble quest, one thing missed the mark -- the ability to paint a cute, snuggly, human-like baby. It's a question that still puzzles museum goers and art lovers today:
As for why Renaissance melodies are so easy to sing, we'll have to save that for another post.
So without further ado, I introduce the best of the worst Renaissance and Medieval baby paintings, with some help from the glorious Ugly Renaissance Babies.
1. Duccio di Buoninsegna, Madonna and Child
Fun fact: in 2004 this became the Met's most expensive acquisition ever, at a staggering $45 million. You'd think for that price, you could get a full-sized baby!
2. Domenico di Bartolo, Madonna and Child Enthroned
Every move you make, he'll be watching you.
3. Martino di Bartolomeo, The Legend of St. Stephen
I know you're having a moment up there, but there is a DEMON stealing your baby!
4. Marx Reichlich, Meeting of Mary and Elisabeth
What if babies really do have a secret language they use to communicate from inside the womb?
5. Cimabue, Madonna with Child
This baby has been hitting the gym way too frequently. And now he's hitting his mother.
6. Master of the Life of Saint John the Baptist, Madonna and Child with Angels
Such wisdom lies behind those little, beady eyes.
7. Studio of Bernard van Orley, Madonna and Child with Apples and Pears
This is Bernard van Orley's apprentice's depiction of a miniature college freshman.
8. Joos van Cleve, Virgin and Child
Take away the gin and juice and this one really looks quite baby-like.
9. Studio of Cornelis van Cleve, The Adoration of the Magi
It looks like Papa van Cleve forgot to teach Cornelis that dark, cornea-less eyes can register a tad demonic.
10. Cornelis van Cleve, Virgin and Child
Cornelis is at it again. Someone get this kid an exorcism, pronto.
11. Andrea Mantegna, Madonna and Child with Seraphim and Cherubim
Who dressed this poor piglet as a child? Oink.
12. Bernardino di Mariotto, Madonna and Child
Baby needs a nap. And some cartoons.
13. Giovanni di Paolo, Madonna and Child with Two Angels and a Donor
Something about the look in his eyes tells me he's not supposed to be doing that.
14. Bernardo Daddi, Madonna and Child with Saints and Angels
Get this kid some Skele-Gro, STAT.
15. Stefano di Giovanni, Madonna and Child with Angels
The distended abdomen is weird, but his mother and her exposed cranium might be the creepier of the two.
16. Berlinghiero Berlinghieri, Madonna and Child
Check out the schnoz on this little tyke.
17. Bernardino Luini, The Christ Child and the Infant John the Baptist with a Lamb
Um.
18. Masaccio and Masolino da Panicale,Virgin and Child with Saint Anne
Baby spent the morning getting a free makeover at Lord & Taylor.
19. Artist Unknown, Nature Forging a Baby
Hey lady, you stop doing that!
20. Hans Baldung, The Ages of Man and Death
Not that the rest of the painting isn't terrifying, but scroll for a very muscular neckless baby.
21. Lorenzo Veneziano, Madonna and Child
The thing with this one is, I don't think he's supposed to be hunchbacked.
22. Geertgen tot Sint Jans, Virgin and Child
Baby breakin' it down with some maracas. (Woah, maracas and rattles are the same thing.)
23. Paolo di Giovanni Fei, Madonna with Child
Baby biting mommy's shoulder.
24. Albrecht Dürer, Madonna and Child
This is all very lumpy.
25. Lucas Cranach the Elder, Virgin and Child with a Bunch of Grapes
So much skull, so little face.