McDonald's introduced a new, sexy Hamburglar on Wednesday who will steal your heart and your lunch. He's also a dad now.
The bearded, burger-snatching DILF has a questionable fashion sense, but there's something hot about a masked man willing to risk his freedom for a $1 Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger.
[seealso slug="hamburglar-twitter-reactions"]
How does the new piece of stolen meat supersize up against the competition? Rather than drool over the Hamburglar, we ranked the most sizzling fast food mascots. Let's call it a value menu of sexy.
Much like fast food, it will make you happy, followed by a deep feeling of regret and shame.
10. Ronald McDonald
Ronald is the guy who was cool in high school and can maybe skate through his 30s on that reputation. But then you see him at the reunion and question everything. That wig, those shoes -- how did you ever fall for him? Then you remember the McRib.
9. Noid
Bangable for the story: "So this guy showed up wearing a red, spandex suit and bunny ears, but he promised to deliver in 30 minutes or less. Also, he brought pizza."
8. Arby's Oven Mitt
The side-hug of fast food mascots. Let's cuddle, but keep a pillow in between.
You'd think a restaurant with sliced deli meats on the menu could come up with something hotter.
7. Jared
A man who always carries an extra pair of pants. That's hot and practical.
Bonus: your mom will love him.
6. Jack
Don’t say you’ve never looked at a man with a disproportionately large head and thought, “Still bangable.” That’s Jack.
His choice in power suits does give him a middle-management-bank-supervisor vibe, but take a second look at the nose using your imagination. His name is also Jack in the Box...COME ON.
5. Colonel Sanders
A silver fox who smells like fried chicken. Poultry grease is also a natural lubricant.
4. Wendy
Yes, she needs to let down the pigtails. But she has that normcore/Dorothy Gale vibe.
Downside: You can't get the image of her dad out of your head.
3. Little Caesar
His toga says “frat boy,” while his tiny tuft of chest hair gives him a manly edge. But the mandals. A man that spends all day in a pizza kitchen probably doesn’t tend to his feet.
He does ALWAYS have pizza, though, which is easily the sexiest quality in a potential mate.
Hot-n-ready indeed, Little Caesar. Or should we say not-so-little Caesar. ;)
2. Grimace
Nuzzle your head into his soft rolls of purple fuzz. He's also already naked, so no awkward button fumbling.
1. Burger King
Sorry, McDonald’s -- Burger King invented the disturbingly sexy mascot.
Sure, he makes questionable decisions about his bro-tourage, but he’s also a king. A king with an endless supply of onion rings.