Have you filed your taxes yet? If not, please stop reading this and get to it immediately. If you have, then congratulations: you may now enjoy some very bizarre promotions.
In recent years, tax day has emerged as a new fake holiday for brands in search of a marketing opportunity during the long secular gap between Valentine's Day and Mother's Day.
The promotions this year range from food to retail -- and many are particularly wacky.
A warning: Never mind that these promotions are pretty much the exact opposite of what most personal finance experts would recommend: don't immediately spend your tax refund if you're lucky enough to get one.
Pizza Hut
Pizza Hut is going all out for tax day by launching its first "National Pizza Return," which mimics the experience of filling out a W-2 form with a P-2 form, but with the benefit of getting a gift card for pizza in return.
So if tax season took a chunk out of your bank account, at least you can get back some (pizza) dough. Oh god, delete this terrible joke. Delete delete delete.
Office Depot
Scarred from the whole experience of doing your taxes? Take out your frustration at Office Depot. The retailer invites you to shred your tax paperwork. All five pounds of it.
Hard Rock Cafe
If you're now completely broke, don't worry: Hard Rock Cafe will let you sing a song for a free meal. Because who doesn't want to break into song after doing his taxes?
Bruegger's
Bruegger's, the nationwide bagel seller, is offering a baker's dozen bagels for $10.40. Get it? If not, you may want to go back to your tax forms again to make sure you did it right.
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Kansas Lottery
"We all know April 15 is the deadline for filing federal income taxes. But did you know that if you win a Hot Lotto jackpot, the lottery will pay the taxes for you?"
That's how the Kansas Lottery is promoting its tax day offer to give a $2 Hot Lotto ticket to people who have already purchased $12 of Powerball tickets.
You're too kind, Kansas.