You don't want to mess with mating tortoises unless you're a very...average runner. In fact, you don't have to run at all -- to escape a raging tortoise's wrath, all you have to do is sort of slowly stroll away.
This is exactly what happened to explorer Paul Rose, who interrupted the mating pair of giant tortoises on an island in the Seychelles. What happens next, as documented in a National Geographic video, is quite comical. The male tortoise tries to chase Rose away from its territory at full speed -- which, by our estimate, is 100 about meters per hour.