Brace yourselves, summer is here, and tourists are coming. And you know what that means -- beach season is in full swing.
Though spending the day catching rays by the ocean sounds relaxing, it can turn sour faster than that warm margarita you're hiding in a styrofoam cup.
The key is strategically choosing a spot far from particular common beach dwellers. Here are 24 people you should avoid at the beach.
1. The Modern-Day Pirate
Image via iStockphoto, icholakov
Arrr, thar be quarters and fossilized beer bottle caps in those dunes. This metal-detector-wielding sorcerer is convinced gold doubloons are just waiting to be uncovered -- conveniently, they are also right under your towel.
2. The Mobile Living Room
Image courtesy of Reddit, xenover
Beach chairs: check. Tent: check. Satellite dish: check. How long is this family going to be here, anyway? Each family member usually totes his own sand cart, filled with everything but the kitchen sink. He's been on the beach since the crack of dawn, because that was the only time he could claim enough space.
3. The Sand Flea
Image via iStockphoto, nicolesy
Don't let the pint-sized beach dwellers fool you. They will kick and throw sand without thinking twice, maybe even laugh about it. But they will, without fail, make sure everyone on the beach knows when they're uncomfortable.
4. The Overzealous Sunscreener
Image via Joe Raedle/Getty Images
This person has a clock embedded in her brain specifically for how long she's gone without reapplying. Though her intentions are good, she'll walk away inhaling sunscreen -- with streaks of white, unblended paste across her back.
5. The DJ
Image courtesy of Flickr, emilio labrador
People go to the beach to relax, right? Your real-world problems will disappear when you lose the ability to think because the guy five feet away is blasting house music.
6. The Party People
Image courtesy of Reddit,
If you build it (and bring red Solo cups), they will come.
7. The Ambitious Girlfriend
Image via iStockphoto, matt_scherf
This girl is determined to relate to her boyfriend's love of sports, even if it means running after the ball between each throw. At least it's cute, right?
8. The Lone Surfer
Image via iStockphoto, LL28
The waves are a whopping two feet underhead, but that's not going to stop Johnny Tsunami from showing off. This guy will likely spend most of the day facing the ocean and sitting on his board, then yell at anyone who's potentially in his way.
9. The Artist
Image via Matt Cardy/Getty Images
Don't get anywhere near this person's sand masterpiece, unless you want to face public embarrassment. It's not like high tide is going to part the sea around it in a couple hours -- unless of course, it's a sculpture of Moses.
10. The Lost European
Image courtesy of Reddit,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with a nude beach -- except for when you're not actually on a nude beach. To oblige with other cultures, this person applied the most minimal amount of swimsuit coverage.
11. The Sandal Sock
Image courtesy of Flickr, ChrisDrury
Be wary of anyone who wears this fashion combo to the beach.
12. The Anti-Pooper Scooper
Image courtesy of Flickr, Chris Devers
The beach is not a giant litter box, people. You can't just bury your dog's business, and expect it to magically erode with the rest of the shore. Chances are, someone with a metal detector is just going to pick up the bottle cap once consumed by your dog.
13. The Varsity Jock
Image via iStockphoto, chaoss
"Heads up." "Heads up!" "HEADS UP!"
That is what you'll hear all day, as the athletic superstar next door flails footballs, bocce balls and volleyballs right over your head.
14. The Decapitated Head
Image via Amy Toensing/Getty Images
When you're not fearing potentially being nailed by a football, you should also watch where you're walking, in case you step on some prankster buried in the sand. This guy actually allowed someone to cover his entire body, up to his neck, in sand. Where is the self respect?
15. The Couple
Image via iStockphoto, Brainisil
No, it's not low tide that's making you gag -- it's the two lovebirds splashing, squealing and making out under a towel right next to you. He will probably throw her in the water at some point and she'll totally hate how much she loves the attention.
16. The Skimmer
Image courtesy of Flickr, Max y Miliano
Trying to pass a skim boarder to get in the water is kind of like leaping through a swinging pendulum of death in a video game. Except there are no additional lives, and the only reset will be your shin bone when it breaks.
17. The Fisherman
Image via iStockphoto, pastorscott
There is nothing more relaxing than floating in the ocean with a hook in your mouth. Beware anyone who's comfortable fishing anywhere near beach dwellers -- this guy is obviously after the white whale, and nothing is going to get in his way.
18. The Amateur Pilot
Image via iStockphoto, Arand
Sure, kites seem harmless. But when the wind takes a swift turn and the string gets tangled in your beach chair, you might think differently.
19. The Sorority
Image courtesy of Tumblr, sororitysugar
It's a Delta Tri Sigma Cappa Phi reunion! It's also blocking your view. These ladies will spend hours in a mile-long line across the beach, taking photos with linked arms and popped legs.
20. The Sneaky Submarine
Image via iStockphoto, jaclynwr
You've finally gotten used to the water temperature, and even stopped thinking about a crab crawling across your foot for just a second when suddenly something grabs your leg, sending you into a very public panic. It's just a prankster, nothing to see here, folks.
21. The Snorkeler
Image via iStockphoto, mashabuba
Specifically when the water is not clear. What is that guy even looking at down there? His snorkel exudes hot mouth air as he slowly floats past you at a concerning pace.
22. The Boogie Bombarder
Image via Justin Sullivan/Getty Images
Getting knocked over by a wave is no fun. Getting knocked over by a wave containing a 150-pound cannonball is even worse.
23. The Summer Photographer
Image courtesy of Reddit,
This person will come up to you with a camera, offering his "professional" services. He either want to sell you a $25 kaleidoscope with your face in the middle or he just wants to take your picture for his personal collection.
24. The Gymnast
Image courtesy of Reddit, dummystupid
The beach is her floor. She'll cartwheel, back handspring and do all kinds of tricks that don't always land on her feet. If there are multiple, you might even catch a stunt or two. Watch out for this spinning limb trap tumbling toward you in the sand.