The one thing Uber is missing is the option to commandeer any vehicle for personal use. Enter Uber Seize.
The Onion imagined the new premium service that gives users access to any car at any time. "Our mission at Uber is to let you take complete control of your transportation, by any means necessary," faux senior developer Matt Stroman says.
The fake Uber service lets users rate and review drivers in much the same way as the original app, but adds new categories like the driver's weight class and level of attack preparedness, with extra space to include nearby weaponry.
For users who can't afford the high price point of Uber Seize, the company has also introduced a lower-cost option that allows passengers to "climb into the trunk of any car and see where it takes them." Finally, an Uber service that involves no social contact whatsoever.