If you're in the 52.3% of Americans who are unhappy at work, or you're just looking for a way to make a slow day in the office a little more interesting, give these workday drinking games a try.
Keep in mind that these games are not for the weak. If you try this at work, you are guaranteed to get drunk (and probably fired).
Please drink responsibly, and never drunk reply all.
9 a.m. -- Start time
Drink whenever you're early to work. It's 8:52 a.m. on a Monday and you're already at your desk? You deserve a reward.
10 a.m. -- Answer emails
You need to check your emails. Drink whenever you receive or send an email.
11 a.m. -- Sales calls
You completed the morning tasks, but there's still a lot to be done. Drink whenever you dial a number to make a sales call. Drink whenever the other person says "hello," "yes" or "synergy." Have a shot whenever you close a deal.
12 p.m. -- Lunch break
Time for a liquid lunch. It's important to keep your body nourished, so opt for something with vitamins, like both a Screwdriver and Bloody Mary. Have a sip of your second drink every time you sip the first, and vice versa.
1 p.m. -- Meeting with HR
The HR team noticed you were drinking all morning and wants a meeting. Take a shot whenever the HR manager says, "We are worried about you today. We hope that we do not have to fire you. We want to help you."
2 p.m. -- Meeting with HR and your boss
Drink whenever the HR manager calls in your boss. Take a shot every time your boss says, "This morning you set the record for most sales in a day by noon, but you were drunk the whole time. How did you do that?" Take another shot when your boss says, "Could you stop drinking while we have this conversation?"
3 p.m. -- Meeting with HR, your boss and the CEO
Everybody's in on this meeting. Drink when the CEO says, "Now we are just confused. How can you drink this much and still function, let alone be the best employee this company has ever seen?" Drink again when your boss smells your breath and asks, "Isn't it weird how there's no scent of alcohol here?"
4 p.m. -- Meeting with HR, your boss, the CEO and an EMT
It's not a meeting anymore, it's a party. Finish the bottle when the EMT looks at the result of your breathalyzer test and says, "This person has not been drinking alcohol at all." Drink whenever the HR manager says, "Why did you do that?" Take a shot whenever you say, "Because I wanted to seem cool." Finish another bottle whenever your boss says, "You are cool. You are our best employee." Shotgun a beer when kindness moves you to tears.
5 p.m. -- Happy hour
