IMDb TV could have been called 'Zon' and Amazon absolutely f*cked up

In the grand tradition of abbreviating words containing the letter "z" to make them objectively more rad (See: "'za" for pizza), Amazon had the chance to do something awesome in re-naming its free, ad-supported TV service. Of course, it did not.

Speaking of, you might not be aware, but Amazon has a free, ad-supported TV service. Who knew, right? It's called IMDb TV because Amazon owns IMDb, the website you spend too much time on after watching any movie or TV show. How IMDb TV and IMDb are related is something I don't think… anyone knows?

That confusion is part of the problem. Or one problem — with the whole "IMDb TV" thing.

According to a report from The Information, Amazon has been discussing renaming IMDb TV. It's already been renamed once, since it was originally called IMDb Freedive. Now, executives reportedly think the name is too hard to pronounce.

Sure, that's the problem. Not that the whole concept is just pretty bewildering.

So, as executives do, they got paid a lot of money to sit around and think of new names for a struggling service that was probably just a bad idea in the first place. Branding, baby!

There was "Free TV," and "Free Streaming TV." Nice, simple names. But one member of that executive hive mind actually earned his bread that day by shortening the word 'Amazon' and coming up with what's clearly the best option of them all: Zon.

Zon? 

Zon.

Zon!

Zon is good. Long live Zon. It feels like someone waved a magic wand with a shaka sign at the end of it over the Amazon logo and suddenly made it chill, but in a, like, space way. Zon.

Amazon execs reportedly have not settled on what to rename IMDb TV, but their only decision has already been a bad one. According to The Information, "the Zon idea was shut down."

Zon :(

Transforming IMDb TV into Zon is clearly a great idea. But, real talk, it probably still wouldn't be enough to get me to use it. Let's face it, I'm addicted to the Amazon Prime teat with its Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and its free two-day shipping, and its horrifying workplace abuses. Those of you strong enough to resist Prime have plenty of other free TV options like Peacock and Hulu, and it's really, really unclear what A Zon By Any Other Name brings to the table. 

Frankly, Zon deserves better.

Zon!