America's 8 most wanted household pets and barnyard animals
For far too long, fluffy pets and barnyard animals have thought they were above the law -- and now they're suffering the consequences.
Even though crime is at a historic low in the United States (despite, cough cough, inflammatory reports to the contrary), some animals have escaped the claws of justice. They thought their frighteningly adorable googly eyes and crushingly soft manes meant they could live life above the law.
That time is over.
There's a new sheriff in town, and that sheriff is your local police officer, forced to pick up a drunk pig on their way home from work.
Below is a list of some of the most wanted barnyard animals/household pets in America.
1. Squishy the miniature donkey, charged with the crime of "wandering on a road"
2. A hardnosed pelican caught WWS (walking while sleepy)
3. This anarchist owl who assaulted police officer and crashed his car
4. Ex-con golden retriever turned himself into the cops
5. Michigan drug kingpig does hard time
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6. (Human dressed as) polar bear headed to the slammer
7. Neighborhood squirrel found guilty of acorn embezzlement scheme
8. Baby seal headed for big baby jail
There are millions more animals like them out there, hiding their dystopian criminal agenda behind their effortlessly soft puppy ears.
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
