Revealed: The famed, mysterious, new Apple campus toilets!

The new Apple campus is supposed to represent the absolute pinnacle of contemporary design. Especially, we were told, in the bathrooms. And now we know for sure.

Quick refresher: Back when we first heard about the Apple campus, the early word was that the toilets matched the everything:

Apple's novel approach to the building took many forms. Architect German de la Torre, who worked on the project, found many of the proportions - such as the curve of a rounded corner - came from Apple's products. The elevator buttons struck some workers as resembling the iPhone's home button; one former manager even likened the toilet's sleek design to the device.

Exciting, right?

And now, for the first time, at the new 2017 iPhone unveiling today, reporters have been let into the first completed piece of the new campus—the Steve Jobs Theater—so they may experience these otherworldly poopers for themselves.

Intrepid Mashable editor-at-large and chief correspondent Lance Ulanoff found his way to the bathroom, and reported with photos. World, are you ready?

Here's the door:

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Yeah, pretty slick. Nice handle and lock, though, honestly, kinda small. Via Lance:

The ceiling to floor doors offer no outward indication of If they are occupied

Yet, hard not appreciate how flush (wordplay truly unintended) to the floor it is—it's a nice antidote to the privacy you're about to lose with facial recognition on your iPhone 8, assuming the toilet isn't watching you.

Speaking of which, WATCH THE THRONE:

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Not so impressive, right? It's a TOTO—that famed, universal butt-contoured Japanese toilet make. Which is nice! But not what we expected: When you hear that the toilets represent the slickness of the iPhones, you expect a proprietary design, not the kind of outsourced design that, say, Samsung could effectively employ.

Here's the wide view:

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Yeah, that's definitely some pedestrian-grade, airport-level low-ply TP. Nothing to write home about.

And if you thought it'd play "Viva La Vida" every time your human waste was sent out to the crystalline bays of Northern California, think again.

Our toiletologist, it is observed, on the iCan, when flushed:

normal flushy sound

Other reporters' observations:

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And:

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And even some cool signage:

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Now you know: The toilets were overhyped. Not Apple's fault. But a foreboding sign of what's to come down the pipe, especially when the potential for great toilets—let alone great toilets by Toto—is essentially limitless. Which hopefully is more exciting than what will go down these pipes, let alone the pipes they are going down.