The 10 awesome malapropisms from 'The Bachelorette' season premiere
LOS ANGELES -- It's one of my favorite things about ABC's The Bachelor/The Bachelorette franchise: those awkward butcherings of English language words, phrases and idioms that grammar trolls like me call "malapropisms."
Across any given season, there are dozens. Unlike many things about the show, they are real.
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And they are spectacular.
Alcohol will do it. So will being on a popular network reality dating show -- where you're supposed to be suave and debonair, but also a person who's dumb/narcissistic enough to be on a popular network reality dating show. While drinking alcohol.
In any case, the insane are language screw-ups. Errrrr, the language screw-ups are insane.
On Monday night's season premiere of The Bachelorette, JoJo Fletcher's big promotion from first-runner-up to Queen for a Season, Mashable counted no less than 10 lines that could've used a rewrite. Or at least one less glass of Moët & Chandon.
Wet down the streets and turn down the sheets -- here are all 10 glaring malapropisms from the season premiere of ABC's The Bachelor:
1-4. From the Bachelorette herself!
To be fair, she has the most lines.
And we nicked her here for the use of "literally," which isn't a malapropism, per se. It's just really annoying.
She's here because: "I’m starting an entire new book of just my journey to find love."
The men isn't all bad: "There is a few ones that kinda get me a-goin’!"
Of that extra "of": "This is gonna be one of a hell of a ride, I promise you."
And that is literally it: "I literally feel like I need to pinch myself because I don’t even deserve this."
5. Peter didn't do good
No you did not: "Did I do good when I -- got out [of the limo]?"
He really said that. Peter was sent home.
6. Jonathan, the guy in the kilt
So technically he's 1/4 Scottish?: "Luckily for me, I’m half Scottish below the waist."
Like, a leg and half the pelvis are Scottish, we presume?
Jonathan was also sent home.
7. Robby's modge was showing
What kind of podge, again?: “We’ve got a modgepodge of guys here. And they just keep rollin' in.”
He definitely said "modgepodge." We checked. Play it back.
8. Desiree Hartsock, splitting hairs
More than a feeling: "We all focus on like, attraction first. But that just turns into lust."
Fine, we're inclined to believe that Desiree Hartsock, the Season 9 Bachelorette who came back to give JoJo some pregame advice, can discern the subtle difference between attraction and lust.
We're disinclined to believe that difference much applies on The Bachelorette.
9. Vinny comes on top
Vinny being Vinny: "In the end, guys like me will just overcome on top."
Vinny, is your last name by any chance ... Barbarino?
10. Grant already has a crush on ... a producer?
Doesn't know what show he's on: "I’m not gonna do what Ben did to you. I’m not gonna fall in love with two girls. I’m gonna fall in love with you."
Grant is going to be very disappointed to learn that there is only one woman on The Bachelorette, and that the seasons where you can fall in love with more than one girl are called The Bachelor. And that he is not on that show.
Unless he has seen Lifetime's transcendent original series Unreal. In which case he's already eyeing the producers and production assistants.
Ew, Grant. It's too early for that.
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Josh Dickey is Mashable's Entertainment Editor, leading Mashable's TV, music, gaming and sports reporters as well as writing movie features and reviews.Josh has been the Film Editor at Variety, Entertainment Editor at The Associated Press and Managing Editor at TheWrap.com.A finalist for the Los Angeles Press Club's Best Entertainment Feature in 2015 for "Everyone is Altered: The Secret Hollywood Procedure that Fooled Us for Years," Josh received his BA in Journalism from The University of Minnesota.In between screenings, he can be found skating longboards, shredding guitar and wandering the streets of his beloved downtown Los Angeles.
