Bill Clinton is co-writing a novel with James Patterson, and we have so many questions

Watcha up to, Bill Clinton?
 By 
Marcus Gilmer
 on 
Bill Clinton is co-writing a novel with James Patterson, and we have so many questions
"Seriously? Well, I happen to think 'It was a dark and stormy night' is a perfectly reasonable opening line." Credit: Justin Lane/Epa/REX/Shutterstock

With the country in turmoil over health care and the current president fighting back accusations of collusion with the Russians, it makes perfect sense that Hillary Clinton's husband, 42nd President of the United States Bill Clinton, is co-writing a mystery novel.

Nope, that's not a typo. Bill Clinton is co-writing a mystery novel.

Clinton has teamed up with super-duper-bestselling mystery writer James Patterson for a book called The President is Missing, due out June 2018 in a joint venture between Knopf Doubleday and Hachette.

Financial details of the deal haven't been announced but, given that it involves a living former president, it probably ain't gonna be cheap.

The question that remains is: what's the book about?

We know very little about the plot. As the title suggests, the president has gone missing — which could mean anything! Clinton tipped his hand only a little in a statement about the book, saying, “Working on a book about a sitting President — drawing on what I know about the job, life in the White House, and the way Washington works — has been a lot of fun.”

And, in a statement to the Associated Press, the publishers added the book would be "a unique amalgam of intrigue, suspense, and behind-the-scenes global drama from the highest corridors of power. It will be informed by details that only a president can know."

MYSTERIOUS!

You'll have to wait until the book's released to figure out what it's actually about. In the meantime, we have a few guesses:

  • Idea 1: It follows silver-haired gumshoe Will Flinton, a saxophone-playing loner enlisted by an old flame to find her husband, who just happens to be the president, who's been kidnapped by an evil cabal of Republicans, led by their bungling leader Duke Mingrich.

  • Idea 2: When the country's first woman president goes missing, her husband steps in to quietly advise the Vice President in leading the nation while also tracking a series of clues across shady social media sites to locate her. (She's been kidnapped by a group of gutter punks who wear Pepe the Frog masks.)

  • Idea 3: The president is kidnapped by Canadian terrorists. While the country reels from his disappearance, he uses a secret telepathic connection with the First Dog, Chuckles, to help relay messages to the Vice President while also gaining important intel on the Canadian terrorists' plan of attack. (Alternate title: Canine-in-Chief.)

While we wait for the Patterson-Clinton collaboration (and the inevitable movie), feel free to take one of these ideas, writers. We'll happily take a co-writing credit and a small piece of the profits.

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Marcus Gilmer

Marcus Gilmer is Mashable's Assistant Real-Times News Editor on the West Coast, reporting on breaking news from his location in San Francisco. An Alabama native, Marcus earned his BA from Birmingham-Southern College and his MFA in Communications from the University of New Orleans. Marcus has previously worked for Chicagoist, The A.V. Club, the Chicago Sun-Times and the San Francisco Chronicle.

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