Absolutely no one knows the meaning of 'Bird Box' so just stop asking

Warning: Light spoilers for Bird Box lie ahead.

Welcome to Bird Box analysis, where the metaphors are made up and the points don't matter!

Look. I like a return-to-English-class breakdown of a horror movie as much as the next gal—but this is getting ridiculous. Since Sandra Bullock's Netflix debut, Bird Box, started streaming last Friday, folks have gone absolutely batshit trying to explain whatever happens to her and her kids in this post-apocalyptic nightmare.

What do the monsters represent? What do the blindfolds mean? How many grocery store parrots does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Etc., etc.

According to some, Bird Box represents the fear of becoming a parent. Others says it's a scathing reflection on white privilege. Some claim it's a cautionary tale about social media. And plenty of viewers argue it's a faith-filled religious allegory.

Now, that's all well and good, but after having seen Bird Box three times in the past week I can definitively tell you: We are never going to know what this movie was about. Absolutely no one knows for sure. We can all go home now. Thanks everyone for your valiant efforts.

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That's not to say Bird Box doesn't have an intended meaning. Clearly author Josh Malerman knows the deeper themes of his own work, and presumably director Susanne Bier and screenwriter Eric Heisserer had their own organized theses when they began adapting Malerman's book for Netflix.

However, whatever master plan this trio cooked up behind closed doors isn't being conveyed clearly to streamers itching for answers—even those of us who parsed through multiple viewings.

Whether that's because Bird Box is a masterful, cinematic Rorschach test revealing hidden subconscious truths of the viewer or a jumbled mess of mixed metaphors is up for debate. But so far, one thing is clear: Anyone who is confused about Bird Box is likely going to stay confused about Bird Box.

So, what can be done for those of us aimlessly searching for answers like a blindfolded mother of two looking for a row boat? Well, here are a few options.

1. Continue to fight it out like a bunch of birds in boxes.

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Honestly, this has been pretty fun holiday dinner table fodder and it's at least better than talking politics. So, I guess if we're stuck in an elaborate Yanny or Laurel style debate forever, then that's probably fine.

2. Cross our fingers that Netflix will do some kind of post-release explainer so we can all take a friggin' nap.

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Not unlike the release date of Stranger Things Season 3, Netflix has this answer. Maybe they'll share?

3. Wait for Stephen King to settle it for us.

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Dear Mr. The King of Horror:

Please consider doing a Ted Talk on the subject. It would be a public service.

All the best, Everyone

4. Focus on the true meaning of Christmas aka Trevante Rhodes being hot as hell.

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Missy Elliott, as always, nails the main takeaway.

5. Do this all over again when (and if) we get a sequel.

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Same time next year, I guess?