Berlin blockchain conference proves that dumb stock art is actually genius

Hey, friend, have you heard the good word? About the blockchain?

No? It's this idea of a distributed ledger that can't be retroactively altered and will certainly revolutionize... oh, hm, I'm losing you, aren't I. That's totally OK! Thankfully, the good folks at the Blockstack Berlin conference are here to enlighten the uninitiated with totally brilliant stock art.

Over the course of the March 2 conference the presenters focused on nifty stuff like "privacy, blockchain, information theory, and the decentralized community," but we should probably just start with the basics.

And there's nothing more basic than the idea of new technology. Which, when you really think about it, is totally what the blockchain is. Um, kinda like fire. Yeah, fire. That's it.

You can use "fire" (remember: blockchain) to do cool things such as make soup. But! It can also lead to burning down someone's house as an act of war. See, it can be used for good — and here's the kicker — or bad.

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Now that we've got that covered, let's move on to social scalability. What good is anything these days if it doesn't scale socially? Not good at all, that's the answer you're looking for.

You know what else isn't good? Being hunted by a menacing owl. I'll let that one just sit with you for a while. But don't sit for too long! The owl will find you. And the owl is clearly mad about something. I mean, just look at it.

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So, our fire is now socially scaling — just like a snowy owl powered by blockchain — and we need to next focus on how our decentralized system will enable "the new model." Maybe, and just bear with me here, the answer is Cartman? That annoying kid from South Park?

Think about it for a minute: The character is repulsive, and yet grown men all over the world quote him. The vile he spews is distributed... just like bitcoin. Boom.

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Don't stress if you're getting confused. "Web 3" will give you the tools you need to climb that rock face by yourself. For those in the back not paying attention, the rock face is cryptocurrency. Maybe. Who can really tell.

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Which brings us to the final piece of the puzzle: "the argument surface." Thankfully, that one speaks for itself — just ask Edward Snowden (yes, he spoke at the conference and totally knows about Cryptokitties).

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Since we've managed to establish the basic facts surrounding the blockchain (fire, an angry owl, Cartman, rock climbing, and a bunch of people beating each other up), we are ready to take the next logical step and go ahead and replace the state with Bitcoin.

You can take your time with this one. The owl is on your side.

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See? Wasn't that easy? It's amazing how simple otherwise complicated concepts become when stock art is involved.

Now excuse me, I have some Bananacoin to buy.