Meet Aaron Gouveia, the dad who defended son's nail polish in viral Twitter thread

From the moment expectant parents learn a baby's sex, they'll hear messages about how that baby should look and act. Parents of boys are often told they should raise boys to be competitive, aggressive, and stoic. Aaron Gouveia, the founder of the blog Daddy Files and father of three boys, thinks that's all B.S.

On Oct. 22, Gouveia posted a Twitter thread about his 5-year-old son, Sam, who was bullied at school for wearing red nail polish to school. The thread's first tweet, which has since received over 68,000 likes, touched on toxic masculinity and gender norms, two themes Gouveia has explored in his personal life and professional career. For Gouveia, conversations about those subjects couldn't be more relevant today — and not just because he wrote a viral Twitter thread about them.

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As Gouveia has reflected on our current politics, and President Trump's embrace of misogynist attitudes and behaviors, he believes now more than ever that teaching boys to be tolerant, accepting, and expressive is key.

"I don't think Trump's election changed the way I parent. I think it just made it, in my mind, that much more critical to keep parenting the way I have been," says Gouveia. "It's awful, and I want to be the antithesis of that."

In addition to supporting Sam's choice to paint his nails and carry purses, Gouveia makes an everyday effort to challenge traditional ideas of masculinity through his parenting style. He explained to Sam's 10-year-old brother, Will, that "gay" should never be used as an insult. When Will grabbed the family's cat as it tried to get away, Gouveia used the moment to talk to his son about consent. Gouveia explained that the cat was sending a clear signal and that he needed to respect it by giving the cat space. "What if that was a person?" he asked his son.

Gouveia has been trying to fight gender norms and stereotypes since before Will was born. He and his wife didn't throw a gender reveal party for Will. They didn't find out the sex for any of their three boys before they were born, either.

"It drove people frickin' crazy, which made me all the more happy to do it because people really want that categorization early," says Gouveia. "They want to know, 'Do I need to buy a football or do I need to buy a tutu?'"

To those types of questions, Gouveia says, "Who the hell cares? That's so restrictive and harmful and we don't need to do it."

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Gouveia admits that he too has contributed to the problem. When Will was just an infant, Gouveia remembers feeling uncomfortable upon noticing his son was wearing pink socks. "My wife pointed out how idiotic and hypocritical that was, and she was right, so I adjusted my mindset."

Gouveia credits his wife, as well as certain online communities, for helping him unlearn things like gender color coding and harmful rhetoric, including the phrase "man up." Gouveia says he grew up in a predominately white town in Massachusetts, and then went to a predominately white college. When he joined the "Dad Bloggers" Facebook group, he began to network with dads from around the world. He listened to the experiences of gay, trans, and black fathers and realized their kids have to worry about things his never will, which for him, was an eye-opening experience.

Despite Gouveia's progressive parenting style, he can't protect his children from all of society's gender norms. He remembers Will singing and dancing to all the Frozen songs when the movie first came out, but things changed when a neighbor told Will Frozen was a "girl's movie." Gouveia says Will shut down and refused to watch the movie thereafter. While Gouveia acknowledges the comment was not ill-intentioned, he cannot deny the impact it had on his oldest son.

"It's a thousand of those little things that add up," says Gouveia. "It's every dad of a boy ... who says, 'Hey, stop throwing like a girl.'"

As a result, Gouveia says he's forced to have conversations about harmful gender norms and stereotypes again and again.

"You sound like a broken record, but it's important because as this proves, one day at school, one comment from a stranger, can really impact things and potentially undo all that work you've done," says Gouveia.

Although Sam had a devastating experience at school, the internet's response to his painted nails has been overwhelmingly positive.

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In reply to the thread, former Patriots player Martellus Bennett shared a picture of him and his daughter painting their nails. The gesture was a big deal for Gouveia, who is a big Patriots fan. Tara Strong, who voiced popular cartoon characters, including The Fairly OddParents' Timmy Turner, sent Sam and his brothers personalized audio messages. Beyond the celebrities, Gouveia and his family have received countless emails and messages in support of Sam and Will, who painted his nails to stand in solidarity with his younger brother.

Gouveia has also received negative comments, including personal insults. He's coping by blocking accounts and focusing on the positive. Gouveia's wish is that Sam's experience at school turns into a teaching moment for others.

"Our hope is that one parent, just one parent who might say these things, who might knowingly or unknowingly engage in toxic masculinity, one parent realizes, 'Oh, you know what? I should probably change that,'" says Gouveia. "That's the goal."