Burger King is hiring gamers to sell you food during online matches and I give up

It's over, everyone. Capitalism has won and every single one of us bears the banner of defeat.

Burger King is now using video games to try to peddle their food into our gaping mouths, because nothing in this world is sacred. Undeterred by their failed 2006 advergame Sneak King, the fast food company is now hiring a team of gamers to play alongside us in online PlayStation games to sell us food.

We wish we were making this up, but alas.

Burger King's latest video game venture is called Burger Clan:

lol what is even happening in that video?

If you couldn't tell from the guns and the cars and the burgers, Burger Clan will be racing, shooting, and dribbling alongside us in our favorite games. Oh, and they'll also be ready at a moment's notice to take our burger order.

Here's how it works. Over the next few weekends, Burger King will be operating a "command center" (a.k.a. a restaurant) as it injects itself into your online matches with PlayStation's permission, according to the company's press release sent via email. If you sign up with Burger Clan online, someone who works for Burger King will try to play with you and be ready to put in your Whopper order while somehow being an asset to your team.

Via Giphy

And these aren't just regular gamers hired by Burger King — no, only the best for Burger King customers. The fast food company is allegedly hiring "nine professional gamers, champions of the most popular [PlayStation] games," the company said in a press release.

Via Giphy

Burger King shared two names of pros that you could be playing with: FIFA champion Alfonso Ramos Cuevas, who seems legit, and another name that doesn't garner any meaningful results when plugged into Google.

Via Giphy

These players will be playing and taking orders out of a Burger King restaurant in Madrid, so unfortunately if you're outside of Spain you won't be able to take part in this apocalyptic display of brand synergy.

If this terrible idea manages to turn itself into a success, maybe you'll see Burger Clan popping up in your own country. Maybe it will snowball into some sort of phenomenon and we'll see top esports pros shrugging off six- or seven-figure salaries to hawk burgers and fries online.

This is the future we've built for ourselves. We created this. We deserve this. In the words of Burger King, "Have it your way."