Deadpool's woman problem has haunted me for years

Welcome to Fix It, our weekly series examining projects we love — save for one tiny change we wish we could make.

2016's Deadpool changed the superhero movie game.

We're referring, of course, to that brazen R rating, a previously uncharted territory for everyone from Bruce Wayne to Tony Stark (Steve Rogers would never) lest they lose precious box office revenue for their respective overlords. Deadpool set new superhero movie standards for violence, cursing — and sex.

Ah yes, the sex. We here at Mashable Entertainment have regularly endorsed the idea that superheroes should fuck more, an idea largely encouraged by Deadpool himself (Ryan Reynolds) paving the way. His relationship with Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) is nothing if not wildly sexual from the start, with an entire montage dedicated to their scorching bedroom chemistry while they slowly, inevitably fall in love. It's almost perfect.

Almost.

Via Giphy

There is a scene — nay, a moment — of Vanessa and Wade's romantic relationship that has haunted me since 2016. I had already heard and read rampant praise for Deadpool, including for their relationship, so the sheer mediocrity of this moment took me so far out of the movie that it's honestly one of the only things I still remember.

Picture this: Wade and Vanessa laying in bed, post-coital (wearing Christmas sweaters). Wade is the big spoon. The following exchange occurs:

Wade: What if I just held on and never let go? Vanessa: Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke. Wade (contented sigh): Oh, Star Wars jokes. Vanessa (corrects): Empire. Wade: Jesus Christ. It's like I made you in a computer.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this so much!

"But Proma, why do you hate it?" "What a cute moment!" "They're bonding!"

No. I mean, yes, to an extent, on a surface level, it is cute and they are bonding, but this moment is one of the shallowest things I've ever seen committed to celluloid. In the year of our lord 2016, we did not need a superhero movie — a famously feminist genre, as we all know — perpetuating the idea that women who like nerdy things are unicorns. Wade cannot believe he's dating someone with a voracious sexual appetite, gorgeous face, bangin' body, and who has also seen one of the most famous movies in human history.

Via Giphy

Here's a fun personal anecdote: I used to pull shit like this all the time as some sort of private social experiment to prove that straight men (in my experience, but no gender or sexuality is immune) have an extraordinarily low bar for what constitutes romantic connection. Back when I went to bars and clubs, I would get bored on a night out and tell some cutie that I watched Game of Thrones just to see how he reacted. 100 percent of the time: Ecstatic. Like record numbers of people didn't tune into that show every goddamn week.

Liking things is not a personality trait, let alone a special one. Of course it's a thrill when your crush or significant other likes the same book/movie/show/etc., but make a relationship, it does not. It's fun to bond over shared interests — you can actually do it with tons of people and not even date or sleep with them! It's also incredibly satisfying to share things with a partner that one or the other of you isn't familiar with, to open up your worlds bit by bit as you get to know each other.

Anyway here's my favorite gif from (500) Days of Summer for no reason at all:

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Wade and Vanessa really are supposed to be soul mates, but that is neither here nor there. I'd believe it more if Deadpool 2 hadn't unceremoniously fridged her in order for our hero to find purpose through fatherhood and self-torment.

I've been surrounded by nerdy intelligent women my entire life, and the Star Wars line and similar statements not only diminish but erase them. Worse yet, it also implies that women who do like Star Wars but do not look or act like Vanessa, are not desirable or worthy of love and affection, but exist on some plane where Wade has simply never registered their existence as valid or compelling.

Separately, I have some real eyebrow raises for Vanessa on being not only a Star Wars fan but one so uppity as to hear "Star Wars" and think of A New Hope and not the entire series (hence the "Empire" clarification). Girl it's not the '70s, Star Wars is a global franchise! Wade doesn't think you're referencing Attack of the Clones.

Via Giphy

Superhero movies have irrevocably changed and shaped modern cinema. We've seen plenty of criticism for how they fail to represent women, people of color, the LGBTQIA community, and more, and each film that continues this disappointment hurts worse than the last.

Vanessa and Wade's relationship was a huge step in the right direction, only to be snuffed out in the sequel and turned into more of an anomaly than a new trend. Even when their relationship was good, there was the Star Wars Moment, a curious and discouraging blip that revealed the deeper inadequacies of how nerd culture views and depicts women. If we could do this whole movie over, I would change this and only this, and I like to think the entire world would be a little better because of it.

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