'Destination Wedding' is an insufferable, exhausting first date that refuses to end
Destination Wedding: It's basically Under the Tuscan Sun if Tuscany were filled with insufferable jerks and their mundane problems.
The new Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder rom-com has all of the bones of a gooey love story. Two talented actors, a beautiful backdrop, a decent meet cute, a wedding—it's all there. And yet, this quirky pair is just unequivocally awful.
The film begins with an introductory sequence that at first thrilled me. Winona and Keanu meet at an airport gate waiting for the same flight and immediately launch into witty bickering. (Think the moving walkway scene in When Harry Met Sally, but faster and meaner.)
The two discover they are headed to the same destination wedding (wink) and the conversation continues onto the airplane. And then off the airplane. And then to the hotel. And then to the rehearsal dinner. And then back to the hotel. And then... it just never ends.
If you're a lover of banter, the first 30 minutes of sparring is genuinely fun. The loop of rhetorical questions—like "Do I strike you as someone who has closure?" and "Is that what you dreamed of? A career in reverse fascism?"—is plenty entertaining, albeit a bit harsh, and the speed keeps you on your toes.
Reeves spends most of his time harshly ripping apart Ryder's optimism and Ryder kind of just whines about being at the wedding at all.
But, after an hour and a half, the lack of reprieve from this misery-loves-company flirtation turns what should be a charming back-and-forth into a verbal ping pong match with no point.
What's worse? Ultimately, neither character is particularly likable. Reeves spends most of his time harshly ripping apart Ryder's optimism and Ryder kind of just whines about being at the wedding at all.
In one particularly painful exchange, the two turn their negativity outwards to rip apart a few ceremony guests. They focus in on the effeminate minister and launch into some observational comedy on gender fluidity that indicates the writer forgot it's 2018.
The union doesn't achieve any You're The Worst type chemistry, but that's clearly what the creators were going for. We as audience members are supposed to recognize that, even though these people are monumentally unpleasant, their love story is beautiful. Unfortunately, Destination Wedding's 42 percent Rotten Tomatoes score indicates that that approach isn't really paying off.
I'm not saying you won't like this movie. You certainly might. It's fairly light fun and better than plenty of other garbage rom-coms. (Plus, Ryder's character's quirk of constantly talking to and breathing on plants is genuinely super cute and peppered throughout.)
Personally, I would just recommend that you put a second viewing of Crazy Rich Asians higher on your priority list than this mess. It'll certainly give you more bang for your buck.
Destination Wedding is in theaters now.
