10 different but equally enjoyable kinds of masturbation sessions
May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.
Masturbating, like ice cream, comes in many different flavors.
Since getting off doesn't require another person, the possibilities of where, when, and how you do it are seemingly endless. Sometimes it's an unexpected endeavor and other times it's a planned event.
The good thing is is that you get to be in control of your own nut, and — with a few exceptions like work and social acceptance — you can get it whenever you want. Even if you have a partner, sometimes it's just better to take matters into your own hand.
Without further adieu, here are some various forms of masturbation:
1. Boredom
Sometimes, Netflix gets stale and all that's left to do is chill. And by chill I mean masturbate. On those occasions when the Instagram Explore page is no longer worth scrolling, explore yourself instead.
2. Unexpected moment of horniness
This is the kind of masturbation that happens on a whim. One moment you're watching Killing Eve, and the next you're humping the couch. Nothing in particular spurs the sudden moment of horniness, but once it's arisen, it's got to be dealt with.
3. While your roommates aren't home
Perhaps one of the best atmospheres for fondling oneself is in an empty apartment or house. You can be as loud and unabashed as you want.
4. While your roommates are home
Having roommates is a total ball buster when you're trying to bust your balls. They don't need to stop you from pleasuring yourself, though. Just tell them you're taking a nap. Or use the old sock-on-the-doorknob trick. Getting your nut while the roomies are in the next room can be stressful, but it doesn't mean it's impossible.
5. Anxiety
According to Planned Parenthood, masturbating can be a huge stress reliever. While it might be difficult to get in the mood while you're having a panic attack, it may help extinguish said panic. Big test? Masturbate! Job interview? Masturbate!
6. High
With the rise of legal weed, it's no surprise that many indulge in masturbating while stoned. According to Vice, there's strong evidence that cannabis does indeed make for a more powerful orgasm. So puff, puff, pass-turbate.
7. Mutual
If your partner is down, masturbating mutually can be an exciting experience. It gives both parties a chance to show off how they tickle their pickles. Plus, it could bring you and your partner closer— literally. Like the Beatles once said: "Come together, right now!"
8. Bedtime
Why settle for a glass of warm milk when you could just get off instead? Nothing inspires a night of delicious dreaming like an orgasm before dozing off.
9. First thing in the morning
Masturbating first thing in the morning can be choice, especially after having a particularly spicy dream.
10. In the shower
Given the wet and private nature of showers, they're a reliable spot for masturbating. And you don't need to worry about clogging your pipes with semen. That, my friends, is just a college campus-birthed myth. Also, soap is NOT a lube.
So, what're you waiting for? Turn yourself on and get yourself off. Give yourself a hand. You deserve it.
Harry is a fellow on the Culture Team. He loves memes and Taylor Swift (no, like, actually.) He'd like to thank his parents for always believing in him. This will be his first broadway production. Oh, wait, he thought this was a Playbill bio...
