A ridiculous gift guide for your Trump-loving family

From soap to shirts to snow globes.
 By 
Marcus Gilmer
 on 
Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

While you might have survived Thanksgiving with your Trump-loving relatives, Christmas is right around the corner and this time, you don't have to just tolerate them, but also give them presents.

Luckily, Mashable cares about you and this dilemma you're facing. We dug around the dark corners of the internet to find some of the weirdest Trump-related gifts for your family so you don't have to.

Remember, the amount of enjoyment may vary, but it's the thought that counts, right?

For your cousin who needs help with his hygiene

We all have that one cousin who just refuses to shower for any number of reasons (too busy playing Warcraft, too lazy to care) so be charitable and give them a bit of help.

Sure, you could shell out $50 for this Trump-branded toiletry gift set -- including deodorant! -- or Trump's line of "Success" aftershave.

But let's start with basics: soap.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

For only $9.95, you can give your cousin the gift of cleanliness by rubbing Donald's face all over his or her body ("Fresh Rain" scent!). If that doesn't leave then smelling bigly fresh, there's probably no hope.

Related: maybe consider the Trump condoms, too, because you never know, they could meet someone nice!

For your teenage nephew who thinks Three Wolves & Moon is too subtle

Trump likes flashy. We know this because everything he owns is encased in gold. You know who else likes flashy? Teenage boys. They're idiots who want their T-shirts to be as complex as possible. Three Wolves & Moon? Please, that's so 2008.

What he needs is a heavily-armed Trump riding into battle, led by a bald eagle while a giant American flag flies behind him.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Plus it comes in THREE COLORS!!!

For your uncle who has an unhealthy obsession with Russia

That guy, always on the message boards with his Russian hacker pals. They're probably good peeps. Maybe they'll come visit now that Russia and the U.S. are going to enter in to warmer relations thanks to the Putin & Trump love fest.

Better make sure that kid is prepared with this shirt that not only puts Trump in a flattering, masculine light, but also pays homage to Putin.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

For your pro wrestling-loving brother

Your bro loves Trump. He's making America great again and draining the swamp. Your brother also loves pro wrestling and can tell you all about how Trump is in the WWE Hall of Fame. And now that former WWE CEO Linda McMahon is a part of Trump's cabinet, how about some wrestling DVDs?

Your brother probably remembers WrestleMania X-7 pretty well; it's the one where Linda McMahon comes out of a catatonic state just in time to kick her cheating husband Vince in the groin, costing him his "street fight" match against son Shane.

But does he remember the Battle of the Billionaires from WrestleMania 23 when Umaga (fighting for Vince McMahon) and Bobby Lashley (fighting for Trump) faced off -- with the losing billionaire having his head shaved? And, oh, that sweet, sweet twist with Stone Cold Steve Austin at the end...

For your parents

Maybe you don't want to go all in on a hyyyuge gift for your parents. Maybe you want to keep it simple.

For mom, try the Trump Chia Pet. Easy to maintain and easy to shove out of the way when the neighbors (the ones, she'll whisper to you, "who voted for that Stein lady") come over.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

For dad, though, you need something befitting the outspoken man of the house who took way too much pride in hammering in that Trump/Pence lawn sign. For him? The official Trump store has just the thing: giant foam Trump thumbs.

For the holiday loving grandparents

Can't afford that pricey Trump Hat Christmas ornament (even though it's available at a discount?) Try a Trump snow globe.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

As it gets older, the snow will turn yellow and stop swirling as much but that's just weather because, as we all know, climate change isn't real.

For your pet-loving aunt

Aw, your aunt loves her pets. All 15 of them! So you've got several gifts to buy. For her pooch, how about this simple, tasteful Trump dog sweater?

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Get it? Dog-ald Trump? Deport the cats? It's Trump's greatest hits translated for pets. Hilarious!

And for her 14 cats, they can all share this custom Donald Trump cat-scratching post that keeps them occupied and gives you a sense of secret satisfaction.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

For your unruly, rebellious, rawking niece

Gone are the days of tea parties and dolls. Your niece is growing up fast into a rebellious Coors Light-slamming, tattoo-inking, "You don't know me"-yelling rebel. She's a bit too young to really appreciate the finer points of Ted Nugent ammo, though.

Fortunately, Kid Rock is on it with his new line of pro-Trump clothing. Grab a "Make America Badass Again" hat and pair it with the classic "United States of America / Dumbfuckistan" t-shirt for the perfect look.

Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Topics Donald Trump

Mashable Image
Marcus Gilmer

Marcus Gilmer is Mashable's Assistant Real-Times News Editor on the West Coast, reporting on breaking news from his location in San Francisco. An Alabama native, Marcus earned his BA from Birmingham-Southern College and his MFA in Communications from the University of New Orleans. Marcus has previously worked for Chicagoist, The A.V. Club, the Chicago Sun-Times and the San Francisco Chronicle.

Mashable Potato

Recommended For You
Best birthday gift ideas for women
illustration of a wrapped birthday present


What to get your girlfriend for Valentine's Day: 25+ sweet gift ideas that avoid the obvious
Pink heart-shaped cake jewelry box, Lego Flower Wall hanging on wall, hand wearing pink Oura Ring and holding smartphone, and pink electric kettle

It's your last chance to snag $30 off this Samsung Galaxy Buds 4 Pro + $30 Amazon Gift Card combo
Samsung Galaxy Buds 4 Pro + $30 Amazon Gift Card on pink and purple abstract background

How to check or reload your Amazon gift card balance
Amazon gift card with colorful background

Trending on Mashable
NYT Connections hints today: Clues, answers for April 3, 2026
Connections game on a smartphone

Wordle today: Answer, hints for April 3, 2026
Wordle game on a smartphone

What's new to streaming this week? (April 3, 2026)
A composite of images from film and TV streaming this week.

Google launches Gemma 4, a new open-source model: How to try it
Google Gemma

NYT Strands hints, answers for April 3, 2026
A game being played on a smartphone.
The biggest stories of the day delivered to your inbox.
These newsletters may contain advertising, deals, or affiliate links. By clicking Subscribe, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Thanks for signing up. See you at your inbox!