You would've loved these yarn names when you were an emo teen
Selling a product called "Poisoned blood" on the Internet would usually be a cause for concern.
Thankfully, it's just the name of a silk and cashmere yarn.
Etsy store DyeForYarn sells over 280 different colors of yarn with odd, evocative names like "I'm pushing a Rhino up the stairs" and "A bat in a dark mood."
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The sanity of whoever's been naming them was first questioned by "Kendra W" on Twitter.
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The storeowners, Nicole and Cordula, explain on their Etsy page that they were formerly biology and molecular medicine scientists, but ditched the lab in favor of dyeing and selling their own yarns.
The store sells mostly silk/lace and silk/linen blends, ranging from the wacky "Too much Aperol Spritz" to the more mysteriously horrifying "St. Patrick's Day parade gone awry."
Below, a blue-violet shade takes on a name fit for a poem posted to a brooding teenager's LiveJournal: "Memory of a fearsome tale."
For those who've felt too punk to passionately love yarn, we present to you: "Army of the Dead."
And for lovers of the absurd and the aquatic, here is a shade called "Giant clam closing forever."
To whomever did name the yarns, thank you. We love you. We hope you are okay.
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Jessye McGarry is an acquaintance, middle child and former Humor Intern at Mashable.
