'The Secrets of Dumbledore' review: Time to put 'Fantastic Beasts' out of its misery
Early on in Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, one of our wizarding leads assures their compatriots that "the best plan is no plan." While that statement proves important to the plot of the film, it also seems to describe the strategy behind the entire Fantastic Beasts franchise: Take a book tangentially related to Harry Potter, spin it into a series of five (or possibly only three) films, worry about the details later.
The resulting movies are bloated slogs. As if that weren't enough, the films are also bogged down by external controversies, including actor scandals and author J.K. Rowling's transphobic remarks.
The Secrets of Dumbledore falls into many of the same pitfalls as its successors. There are too many characters and subplots. The story hinges on not one but two magical MacGuffins. And throughout it all, you can sense the desperation to recapture the magic of the much better movies Fantastic Beasts originated from.
However, credit where credit is due: The Secrets of Dumbledore is at least better than The Crimes of Grindelwald (which isn't an especially high bar to clear). The performances remain committed; there are some genuine laugh-out-loud moments; and Mads Mikkelsen's Grindelwald is an upgrade from Johnny Depp's. Unfortunately, these more enjoyable elements tend to get lost in the intellectual property sauce, and you'll leave The Secrets of Dumbledore more bewildered than bewitched.
There are too many movies in this movie
The Secrets of Dumbledore is several things. It is a political drama about the rise of fascism in the wizarding world, a hijinks-filled look at magical creatures, a tie-in to the Harry Potter films, a prison heist (briefly), and a romance (barely). Ditch a few of these elements, and you're looking at something exciting. Keep them all and the audience is left wondering what's going on and why it matters.
The meat of the film concerns Albus Dumbledore's (Jude Law) efforts to defeat dark wizard Grindelwald (Mikkelsen). Thanks to a blood pact the two made when they were young and in love — aka, MacGuffin #1 — they are unable to attack one another outright.
Since he can't move against Grindelwald directly, Dumbledore sends a team including magizoologist Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) and his Muggle friend Jacob Kowalski (Dan Fogler) to confuse the absolute hell out of his ex. Seriously, their goal is to confuse him to disrupt his powers of foresight.
You'll leave 'The Secrets of Dumbledore' more bewildered than bewitched.
Dumbledore doesn't tell everyone the full plan (hence the titular secrets), so much of the movie's first half involves scenes that feel random and disconnected, even though we know they're supposed to mean something. As the puzzle pieces fall ever so slowly into place, you can't help but be annoyed that the film wasted its time with such clunky obfuscation.
While Dumbledore is busy being mysterious, Grindelwald has his hands full trying to rig an election. Who are his opponents in this race to govern the wizarding world? They may as well be cardboard cutouts, that's how little thought the movie puts into them. Instead, it focuses more on Grindelwald's attempts to kill Dumbledore and keep Credence Barebone (Ezra Miller) under his thumb.
The glue holding all these plot lines together is MacGuffin #2, a mystical creature known as the Qilin who mainly seems to be in the movie to justify it keeping its Fantastic Beasts title. The Secrets of Dumbledore is far more interested in the politics of the wizarding world than it is in magical animals, but for IP purposes, it has to keep shoehorning them in. My personal favorite scene in the whole movie involves a pack of bizarre crab-scorpion hybrids, but it feels like it belongs in a zany adventure film instead of whatever The Secrets of Dumbledore is trying to be.
At least Mads Mikkelsen is a worthy Grindelwald
Mikkelsen may be a newcomer to the Fantastic Beasts franchise, but he is definitely one of the high points of The Secrets of Dumbledore. His Grindelwald is imbued with a chilling sense of righteousness and a killer manipulative instinct. A scene where he interacts with his incensed supporters and allows himself a victorious smile is one of the movie's most effective moments. He's also surprisingly funny: One well-timed eye roll during the film's climax almost makes up for the movie's other faults.
The rest of the cast comes off decently, too. Particular highlights are Fogler, who steals nearly every scene he's in, and Jessica Williams, whose fast-talking Charms professor Eulalie Hicks is an instant standout. And while the character of Dumbledore is infuriatingly secretive, Law's performance combines vulnerability and authority in a way that connects well to Richard Harris and Michael Gambon's iterations of the character.
Grindelwald and Dumbledore's relationship exists, but feels like an afterthought
It's impossible to talk about Grindelwald or Dumbledore without mentioning their former relationship, and how The Secrets of Dumbledore deals with it. This installment of the Fantastic Beasts franchise explicitly confirms Dumbledore and Grindelwald's romantic past, with lines like, "I was in love with you" and "the summer Gellert and I fell in love." However, those lines have been removed for the film's release in China, with Warner Bros. claiming "the spirit of the film remains intact." Grindelwald and Dumbledore's relationship should be the emotional cornerstone of the movie, but if explicit references to their love are so easily censored, how important is it really to the "spirit" of the film?
For their part, Mikkelsen and Law wring all the romantic subtext they can from the scenes they have together. But subtext isn't text. If a viewer doesn't know Dumbledore is gay coming into the movie, they might simply think he and Grindelwald used to be very close friends. Add to that the fact that we're seeing the bitter aftermath of a relationship instead of the relationship itself, as well a continued perpetuation of the "tragic gay" trope, and you realize that these scant moments between Dumbledore and Grindelwald are nowhere near the landmark representation the movie thinks they are.
Harry Potter remains Fantastic Beasts' worst enemy
The shadow of Harry Potter hangs over nearly every minute of Fantastic Beasts. Between jaunts to Berlin and Bhutan, characters make pit stops at Hogwarts and Hogsmeade for some good old-fashioned nostalgia. We see glimpses of the Quidditch field and the Great Hall, plus get a truly groan-worthy reference to the Room of Requirement. "Hedwig's Theme" accompanies grand shots of Hogwarts for maximum nostalgia points, which is especially weird given that Hedwig is an owl who straight up does not exist yet.
In the end, The Secrets of Dumbledore's reliance on connecting to Dumbledore and Harry Potter is its fatal flaw. There's no chance to enjoy any new story elements because the film is constantly reminding us of ones we've seen before. Plus, all these references to Harry Potter negate The Secrets of Dumbledore's stakes. If you've read or seen Harry Potter, you know that Dumbledore eventually defeats Grindelwald, making the ending of this franchise a foregone conclusion. If I wanted to watch the wizarding world unite against a Muggle-hating dark wizard, I'd just watch the original Harry Potter films instead. You might as well do the same.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is in theaters April 15.
Topics Film Harry Potter
Belen Edwards is an Entertainment Reporter at Mashable. She covers movies and TV with a focus on fantasy and science fiction, adaptations, animation, and more nerdy goodness. She is a member of the Critics Choice Association and the Television Critics Association, as well as a Tomatometer-approved critic.
