I had a maternity photoshoot with my burrito food baby
One thing absolutely trumps the birth of a baby: a really delicious burrito.
While many responsible adults I know have begun to pop out children, I know many others who are popping buttons on their pants after a large meal.
I chose the latter.
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I decided to celebrate a food baby. It's just as prevalent as a human baby, but at least half the stress and cost. So I invited my co-worker Ryan to get pregnant with me through the leading producer of food babies, Chipotle.
Really, I just had Ryan feed me the gigantic burrito in a way that will probably make his girlfriend want to have a little talk with him.
First, we decided to take some pre-impregnation photos. We wanted to capture the beauty of the wrapped burrito before I ingested its contents. It likely weighed at least two pounds.
Many responsible expectant mothers take prenatal vitamins. I decided to take Lactaid to ensure the health of my food baby and my own stomach, which would need the little white pill to keep me from vomiting up my cheese-laden child.
Ryan made sure to feed me my burrito baby ever so gingerly. He was gentle and kind. I felt safe in his loving arms.
We were thrilled to discover that our mission was successful. My stomach was positively bulging with -- dare I say -- an adorable food baby bump.
We're pleased to announce that mommy and food baby are currently happy and healthy, though mommy may not need to eat another meal for a few weeks and she should probably have her cholesterol and blood pressure checked as soon as possible.
If you'd like to send gifts, our food baby is registered at CVS. Specifically, we'll graciously accept Gas-X in any quantity.
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